Here for someone

Before the first conversation

I am worried, but we have not spoken about it

You do not need a diagnosis, a disclosure or a treatment plan before you can care about what is happening.

Start with what you have noticedChoose a calm moment. Describe a change without naming a condition, ask an open question and give them room to answer.
Could someone be in immediate danger? Call 999 if someone's life is at risk. For urgent mental-health help without immediate danger, call their existing crisis team if they have one. Otherwise open the urgent-help page and call the service shown for their UK nation. Use their GP for a non-urgent concern or referral.

How to raise it

  • Choose a private, unhurried moment if you can.
  • Use observations: “You have seemed very unlike yourself since yesterday” or “I have noticed you are hardly sleeping.”
  • Ask: “How are things for you?” Avoid telling them what condition they have.
  • Listen before suggesting solutions. Do not force them to talk.
  • Offer one specific next step, such as a call tomorrow, a lift to the GP or help finding a number.
You could say“I've noticed you haven't seemed like yourself lately. I might be wrong, but I'm worried about you. Would you like to talk about it?”

If they do not want to talk

Do not turn the conversation into a test or an argument. Say that you are available if they change their mind. Keep ordinary contact going where it is welcome. A message, cup of tea, walk or practical offer can preserve trust without pretending nothing is wrong.

If you are supporting from a distance

  • Use brief, low-pressure messages and check in again rather than demanding an immediate reply.
  • Keep some contact ordinary. They are still your friend or relative, not a problem to monitor.
  • Offer something concrete that works remotely, such as finding local services or being on the phone before an appointment.
  • Avoid asking several people to watch them or report back unless there is a genuine safety concern.

What you can do without their agreement

You can seek advice for yourself. You can also give factual concerns to their GP or mental-health team. Confidentiality may mean the service cannot tell you anything back, but it does not prevent them listening. Share what you observed, when it changed and any immediate risk, rather than a diagnosis you have made.

Sources: NHS, Mind and Rethink Mental Illness
NHS: helping others, Mind: helping someone else seek help and Rethink: confidentiality and sharing concerns.

Look after your limits too

You can be steady and caring without becoming their only source of support. Decide what contact and practical help you can keep offering. Seek support for yourself if worry is taking over your own life.

Browse all condition guidesThey will not accept helpSupport for you

Here for Someone is an independent information project, not a diagnostic or medical service. This page organises public guidance from the linked organisations; it has not been clinically reviewed by Here for Someone.

Sources checked: 29 August 2026