They may not want to say much at first. Let them know they can talk to you another time.
How to raise it
- Choose a private, unhurried moment if you can. A walk or doing something together, such as washing up, may feel easier than sitting face to face. Choose what feels comfortable for both of you.
- Use observations: “You’ve seemed quieter over the last few weeks” or “I’ve noticed you’re hardly sleeping.”
- Ask: “How are things for you?” Avoid telling them what condition they have.
- Listen before suggesting solutions. Do not force them to talk.
- Offer one specific next step they would welcome, such as another chat, a lift to the GP or help finding a number.
“I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. I might be wrong, but I’m worried about you. Would you like to talk about it?”
“You’ve seemed quieter lately, and I’m worried about you. We can talk by message if that’s easier.”
If they open up
Let them finish before you start looking for answers. You do not need the whole story in one conversation. How to listen without trying to solve everything.
Respect their privacy, but do not promise to keep something secret if you may need help to keep them or someone else safe. Where you can, explain who you need to involve and why.
Ask what would help next and agree what you can do together. If they want professional support, you could help find the right NHS care or write down their concerns for a GP. Agree when and how to check in again.[2]
If they do not want to talk
A brief answer or a “no” does not mean you were wrong to ask. Avoid making it an argument. Give them room, say you are available, and keep ordinary contact going where it is welcome. Do not make every conversation about their mental health.
You could try another approach, such as a message or doing something together. There is no set waiting period: respond to what is happening. If things are getting worse or you are worried about safety, seek advice sooner using the routes above.
“OK. I won’t push you to talk now. I’m here if you want to.”
“I can see this is upsetting you. I asked because I care about you. I won’t push you to talk now.”
Things that tend to backfire
- Deciding what condition they have, or presenting your observations as proof.
- Surprising them with a group discussion or asking several people to persuade them.
- Bringing it up during an argument or when either of you has been drinking.
- Saying that everyone has been talking about them.
- Using threats or pressure to make them open up. You can still set limits on behaviour that affects you.
- Sending a long list of worries or demanding an immediate reply.
- Trying to get their whole story or agree a solution in one conversation.
Advice for your relationship (optional)
Choose who you are supporting for help with raising the concern.
Your choice is remembered in this tab. You can change or clear it here.
If you are supporting from a distance
Ask whether they would prefer a call, a message or a visit you arrange together. Keep some contact ordinary. You can still talk about shared interests or do things together from a distance.
If they want practical help, you could find local support or be on the phone before an appointment. Ask before involving someone nearby. Keeping in touch and knowing when to get help covers unanswered messages, missed calls and concerns about safety.
“Been thinking about you. No need to explain anything. I’m around if you fancy a chat or a walk.”
What you can do without their agreement
You can seek advice for yourself. You can also tell their GP or mental-health team what you have noticed, even if the service cannot discuss their care with you. Give factual examples and say when things changed. The service may need to tell them what you shared, so explain any concerns about that.[6]
Confidentiality: what you can tell the care team and what they may share.
You can talk it through first
If you feel worried or unsure before speaking to them, you can get support yourself:
- Samaritans listens if worrying about or supporting someone is affecting you. UK and Ireland: 116 123. Free to call. 24 hours, every day. Listening support, not medical advice.
- Mind Infoline offers mental-health information and help finding support in England and Wales.
- Rethink’s advice service offers practical information about care, rights and services for adults with mental-illness symptoms or a diagnosis in England, and people supporting them. It is not counselling or crisis support.
Check the information services’ pages for their opening times and the topics they cover.[7]
And you?
You may feel nervous beforehand or drained afterwards, even if the conversation went well. You can talk it through with someone you trust before or after, without sharing more of the other person’s private information than you need to. Support for you.
Sources and how this guide was written
Raising a concern
NHS Every Mind Matters: helping others, Mind: talking tips and Samaritans: helping someone open up support calm, open conversations, listening and finding a comfortable setting.
Listening and responding
Mind: helping someone seek support covers listening, patience and practical help. Samaritans: supporting someone with suicidal thoughts supports asking directly and taking what they say seriously. Royal College of Psychiatrists: supporting someone in distress covers seeking support rather than promising secrecy when someone may be unsafe.
Giving space without losing contact
Samaritans: approaching someone you are worried about and Mind: helping someone seek support explain offering support without forcing a conversation. Neither sets a fixed wait before asking again. The examples of pressure to avoid and the suggested words are editorial examples, not tested scripts.
Memory changes and sudden confusion
NHS: memory loss advises a GP assessment when memory problems affect daily life. NHS: sudden confusion advises immediate help. The older-person guide covers ongoing support.
Conversations at work
Acas: talking about mental health covers private conversations, listening and explaining confidentiality. Its employment guidance applies in Great Britain; the workplace section also links to Northern Ireland services. nidirect: mental health and work describes workplace support and employment advice in Northern Ireland.
Sharing concerns with a professional
GMC: confidentiality, paragraphs 39 and 40 distinguishes listening to someone’s concerns from disclosing the patient’s information, and explains why the patient may need to be told what was shared.
Support for someone who is worried
Samaritans: looking after yourself when supporting someone explicitly offers listening support to supporters. Mind’s helpline details and Rethink’s advice-service details explain their different purposes, coverage and hours.
Relationship examples and suggested words are written for this guide. Adapt them to your relationship and what you have actually noticed.
Last full source check: 9 October 2026
Independent information, not a medical or crisis service. This guidance has not been clinically reviewed. How we use sources.