They're angry with me and I get the blame

Short answerTry to stay calm, listen if it is safe, and give both of you some space if the conversation is getting worse. You can set a clear limit. You do not have to stay where you feel frightened or unsafe.

If anyone is in immediate danger: move somewhere safer if you can and call 999.

Do this now

Keep your own voice steady. Mind says staying calm may help stop anger escalating.
Listen without agreeing to abuse. If continuing is making things worse, give them and yourself some space.
Set a boundary. Say which behaviour is not acceptable and what you will do if it continues.

Source: Mind

Mind's guidance for friends and family covers staying calm, listening, giving space and setting boundaries.

Words you can use

Naming the feeling, not the fault"I can see you're furious. I'm not going anywhere."

Setting a boundary and keeping it"I love you and I want to help. I won't be shouted at, so I'm going to step out for ten minutes - and then I'm coming back."

Shouting back or trying to settle every accusation while emotions are high.
Telling them simply to “calm down” or that their reason for being angry does not matter.
Waiting for the situation to become violent before taking your own fear seriously.

More on this

Why a calm response can help

Mind advises staying calm, listening and giving the person space where possible. This does not mean accepting threats, intimidation or abuse.

Talk about it afterwards

Mind suggests discussing triggers and boundaries when both people are calm. Be specific about what happened, what is not acceptable and what you will do if it happens again.

If you are frightened of them, not just worried about them

Mental illness does not make abuse acceptable. If you feel controlled, threatened or frightened, or regularly change what you do to avoid their reaction, speak to a domestic-abuse service. You do not need to wait for physical violence.

National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247, free and confidential, 24 hours a day.
Men's Advice Line: 0808 801 0327, Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm.
Galop LGBT+ Abuse and Violence Helpline: 0800 999 5428. Check current opening hours.

If you are in immediate danger, call 999.

Sources: Mind, Refuge, Respect and Galop

Mind on abusive or violent behaviour, National Domestic Abuse Helpline, Men's Advice Line and Galop.

If you are worried that a child or an adult at risk is experiencing abuse, neglect or harm, see how to raise a safeguarding concern.

And you?

It is normal to feel angry or resentful after being treated this way. Support for you was written for this.

Here for Someone is an independent information project. It is not a helpline or medical service. This page organises public guidance from the organisations linked beside the relevant information.

Sources checked: 27 August 2026

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