They won't accept help - what you can do

Short answerYou usually cannot make an adult accept help. You can still tell their GP or NHS 111 what you have seen, stop arguing about the diagnosis and focus on something they do want help with. If there is a serious risk, contact services without waiting for their permission.

If they're in danger right now: call 999. Urgent but not life-threatening? Call NHS 111 and select the mental-health option - you can call about someone else, any time.

Do this now

Write down what's changed. Include specific things, rough dates and anything worrying about their safety. This can help a professional understand what is happening.
Tell someone who can act on it - their GP or care team if you know them (phone, email or letter); if you don't, NHS 111's mental health option needs no details and takes calls about someone else. They can't tell you things, but nothing stops you telling them, and it goes on the record.
Stop arguing about whether they're ill. Ask what they would most like to feel easier, such as sleep, money, fear or conflict. This may give you some common ground.

Sources: Mind, NHS England and GMC

Mind on helping someone seek support, NHS England on listening to carers and GMC confidentiality guidance.

Words you can use

Being open about contacting the GP"I'm really worried about you, so I'm going to talk to your GP. I'd rather do that with you than behind your back - will you come, or can I tell them what I've been seeing?"

When you disagree about whether they're ill"I see it differently - but I could be wrong, and I don't need to be right."

Finding common ground"Neither of us wants another hospital admission. Can we agree on that much?"

What's getting in the way?

Refusing help usually isn't simple stubbornness. Open the one that fits.

They genuinely can't see that they're ill

In some illnesses, a person may not recognise that they are unwell. Repeating the argument is unlikely to help. Listen without correcting every point, give your view carefully and look for a shared practical goal.

Find the thing they do want help with. They might admit they can't sleep. "Would you see the GP just about the sleep?" An appointment about sleep is still an appointment.

Fear, shame, or a bad experience last time

If they were treated badly before, or they feel frightened or ashamed, acknowledge that experience rather than repeating the same advice. Keep the offer open without raising it in every conversation.

Contacting their GP - how to do it well

Try to be open first where that is possible and safe. You can still contact the GP to share a concern. Ask the surgery to record the information and use it sensitively. The team may have to act on it in a way that reveals where it came from.

Don't know their GP? Ask around family or friends first. If nobody knows, skip it - NHS 111 (mental health option) needs no details and you can call about someone else.

Plan ahead: when they're well, ask if they'll add a note to their record - or sign a consent form - letting the team share information with you.

Not sure how to word it? Use the letter builder - fill in the blanks and it writes a clear letter you can print or copy. (Nothing is saved.)

Be ready for the moment they say yes

They may agree to seek help briefly, then feel differently later. Keep useful details ready, including how to contact their GP, care team or NHS 111. Samaritans is available on 116 123 if they would rather talk to someone outside the family.

When there is serious risk

When there is serious risk to their safety or someone else's, call the GP, NHS 111 or 999 as appropriate. Do not wait for the person to agree before reporting an immediate danger.

There's also a point where the system can step in without consent: a Mental Health Act assessment, and you can ask for one. Contact your council's adult social care team and ask for the AMHP duty desk. There's a fuller guide on what happens if they're sectioned.

If a professional says “they have capacity”

Capacity is about one specific decision at one time. It can fluctuate, and an unwise decision is not enough on its own. The mental-capacity guide explains what to ask.

If you asked for help and the service said no

Ask for the decision, reason and alternative plan. Pass on any new or worsening information. See when mental-health services say no.

And you?

Supporting someone who is refusing help can be frightening and exhausting. Support for you has people you can talk to today.

Here for Someone is an independent information project. This page organises public guidance from the organisations linked above. The Mental Capacity Act and Mental Health Act guides explain the legal points in more detail.

Sources checked: 27 August 2026

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