PTSD or complex PTSD

What do you need help with?

If they may be having a flashback

A flashback can make a past danger feel as if it is happening now. Do not demand an explanation. Use their name, say where they are and tell them they are with you now. Do not touch them unexpectedly. Ask first, even if a hug or holding hands would usually be welcome. Reduce noise, people and questions where possible.

If grounding seems helpful

Offer one simple choice at a time. They might look around and name a few things they can see, feel their feet against the floor, say where they are and what day it is, move around, wash their hands or take a drink of water. The familiar 5-4-3-2-1 exercise uses the senses to notice five things they can see, four they can feel, three they can hear, two they can smell and one they can taste.

Grounding does not help everyone. Do not turn it into a test or keep asking questions if it is frustrating or overwhelming them. Stop, give space and ask what would be more useful.

If they are injured, unable to stay safe or you are unsure whether this is a medical emergency, use urgent help.

When they are always on edge or avoiding things

Someone may scan for danger, startle easily, sleep badly, withdraw or avoid people and places connected with what happened. Ask what helps them feel more settled rather than assuming. Advance warning about visitors, noise, travel or a change of plan may help. Offer choices and keep your promises where you can.

Do not force them into a feared situation or arrange a surprise confrontation with it. At the same time, you do not have to reorganise the whole household around avoidance. Talk in a calmer moment about what support is useful, what you can reasonably do and whether a clinician can help with the next step.

PTSD and complex PTSD may affect relationships differently

Complex PTSD is associated with repeated or prolonged trauma. Alongside PTSD symptoms, a person may have persistent difficulties with emotions, shame or worthlessness, and feeling connected to other people. A reaction may be triggered by a tone of voice, conflict, closeness or feeling trapped, and may not include a clear visual memory.

Do not decide that every disagreement is a trauma response. Ask what happened for them, offer choices and return to difficult relationship issues when both of you are more settled. Trust is helped by consistency, consent and clear boundaries, not by agreeing to everything.

Let them control the story

• Say that you believe they are distressed and that you are willing to listen.
• Let them choose whether to talk about what happened. Silence is not a failure.
• Ask what helps when memories, nightmares or feeling on edge become intense.
• Do not ask for graphic detail, question why they acted as they did, or promise that recovery will be quick.
• Do not share their story with other people unless they agree, except when you must act to protect someone from serious harm.

You can say, “You do not have to tell me the details. What would help you feel safer or more settled right now?”

Help them find the right professional support

For ongoing, non-urgent symptoms, offer to help contact a GP, write down what is happening, travel to an appointment or wait nearby. The NHS says PTSD treatment can include trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy and eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing.

Do not try to conduct trauma therapy, exposure or detailed retelling yourself. If treatment feels overwhelming, encourage them to tell the clinician rather than stopping without support.

Support over time

• Ask about known triggers and what they want you to do if one occurs.
• Offer choices where possible. Loss of control can make support harder to accept.
• Keep ordinary routines and connection without pushing them to “move on”.
• Agree what you can do at night or during a difficult spell before the next one happens.
• Get support for your own fear, exhaustion or the effect of hearing about and living alongside trauma. Their privacy does not require you to cope alone.

Support for you

You may feel constantly alert yourself, struggle to sleep or find that what you have heard stays with you. These reactions deserve attention. Speak to someone you trust without sharing unnecessary details of the person's trauma, use your GP if your own health is affected, and look for support that is specifically for carers or supporters.