Supporting someone with PTSD or complex PTSD

Help with flashbacks, difficult situations and everyday support. Focus on what helps them feel safer; they may not want to talk about the trauma.

What do you need help with?

Select a topic below.

Before a conversation

They have not spoken about what is happening

Talk about the changes you have noticed. Do not press for details or use this guide to diagnose them.

Right now

They may be having a flashback

Help them reconnect with the present without touching or crowding them unexpectedly.

Day to day

They are always on edge or avoiding things

Explain plans in advance, offer choices and avoid pushing them into feared situations.

Conversation

I do not know what to say

Listen at their pace and let them choose what, when and how much to share.

Services

Support with treatment or finding help

Help with existing treatment, a first appointment or urgent advice.

Refused help

They will not accept support

Focus on sleep, safety or another difficulty they recognise, and let them know they can talk to you again.

Longer term

Difficult nights and support for you

Plan support after difficult nights and get help with the effect on your own health.

Friendship

Seeing them and making plans

Invitations, crowded places and helping if a flashback happens while you are out.

PTSD and complex PTSD

Advice for your relationship (optional)

The main guidance applies whoever you are supporting. Choose a relationship for advice about conversations and what you can take on.

My mum or dad

If you are under 18 and helping a parent, see support for young carers.

Talk about what you have noticed

Describe a particular change rather than trying to name an illness. Ask how things have been for them, and whether they want help arranging an appointment. The guide to starting the conversation has more ways to begin.^[1]

Words you could use

“Mum, how have things been? Would you like some help making an appointment?”

They brush it off or say I’m interfering

Read what you can do when someone does not want help. If you need to pass observations to a doctor, you can do that even if the doctor cannot discuss their care. They may need to tell your parent what you shared.

Prepare a letter or questions for an appointment^[2]

I live a long way away

Agree a way of keeping in touch that suits you both. Ask whether there is someone nearby they would want involved, and what you can share with that person. The contact guide covers worrying silence and unanswered doors. If help cannot wait, use the urgent route where your parent lives.

This brings back difficult memories

If you supported your parent as a child, today’s worries may come with a long history. You can seek support for your own mental health without making your parent part of those conversations.

Jonathan’s account of supporting his mother describes recognising the effect on his own life. It is one person’s story.^[3]

For ongoing difficulties, see preparing a treatment review and help with daily tasks and living alone.

Changes in an older parent

If your parent is becoming more forgetful, or memory problems are affecting everyday life, offer to help them arrange a GP assessment. An adult usually needs to agree; you can encourage them but usually cannot make them accept help. You can still tell their GP what you have noticed and ask for advice. Avoid assuming you know the cause. Sudden confusion needs immediate medical help: call 999 or go to A&E.^[4]

If daily tasks are becoming difficult, ask their local social-care service about a care needs assessment. You can separately ask for an assessment of your needs as a carer.^[5] Read the older-parent guide for appointments, isolation, help at home and benefits.

Sources for this advice

Starting the conversation
Mind: helping someone seek support covers listening and offering practical help with appointments. The suggested words are ours; change Mum and the observations to fit.
Back to the advice
Sharing concerns with a doctor
GMC: listening to those close to a patient (paragraphs 39 and 40) explains listening, disclosure and why information may need to be shared with the patient.
Confidentiality: what you can tell the care team and what they may share.
Back to the advice
Growing up with caring responsibilities
Rethink Mental Illness: Jonathan’s story is a lived-experience account, not clinical evidence or a prediction about other families.
Back to the advice
Memory changes and sudden confusion
NHS: memory loss advises seeing a GP when memory problems affect everyday life. NHS: sudden confusion distinguishes gradual changes from confusion needing immediate help. These sources were checked on 5 October 2026.
Back to the advice
Care and carer support
NHS care needs assessments and NHS carer’s assessments explain the separate assessments in England. The Rights & money guide links to the routes in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.
Back to the advice

Care-assessment links and older-parent signpost checked: 8 October 2026. Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026

My partner

Talk about this week’s pressures

Choose a calmer moment to work out what needs doing and what each of you can manage. Be specific: meals, bills, school runs or a night of uninterrupted sleep. Ask who else could help with something neither of you can take on.^[1]

Words you could use

“I want to help, but I’m struggling with everything that needs doing. Can we work out what we can each manage this week and what we need help with?”

We barely feel like a couple

Ask whether there is something you would both enjoy that does not revolve around appointments or how they are feeling. It might be watching something together or getting out for a coffee. Leave room for either of you to say no.

Keeping your relationship alongside the support^[2]

They want me to be available all the time

Use the boundary guide to work out what you can keep offering. During a calmer spell, plan who to contact when you are unavailable. If the situation is urgent now, use urgent help.

The children are noticing

Living together: children, relatives and home life.

You might be trying to explain cancelled plans, changed routines or why their parent is in hospital. Mind’s guide to parenting and mental health has ideas for arranging family support. If children are taking on caring tasks, the young-carer guide explains how to find help for them. If you are worried about a child’s safety, use safeguarding guidance.

They seem irritable or we keep snapping at each other

Pause a conversation that is getting heated and return to one practical issue when you can both talk. Ask what has changed and what is hardest, without deciding for them what the cause must be. Responding when you get the blame includes ways to pause and set limits.

Work out what needs to change and what you can keep offering.^[3]

I feel frightened or controlled

For threats, intimidation or feeling unsafe at home, go to help when you feel frightened or threatened. It includes specialist domestic-abuse support. You can ask for advice about your own safety.

Sources for this advice

Sharing everyday responsibilities
Mind: looking after yourself while caring supports being realistic about what you can do and finding help. The household examples and suggested words are ours.
Back to the advice
Staying close
Mind: caring for someone with a mental-health problem discusses changes in relationships; Mind’s self-care guidance includes shared interests beyond caring tasks.
Back to the advice
Limits and support for you
Mind: looking after yourself while caring covers being realistic about what you can do and sharing the support. The boundary guide gives the sources for its practical suggestions. This Mind source was checked on 5 October 2026.
Back to the advice

Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026

My adult son or daughter

Offer help they can have a say in

Ask what would make getting help easier: booking an appointment together, writing down their concerns or going with them. Let them choose which parts they want you involved in. If they do not want help, there are still ways to respond.^[1]

Words you could use

“I’m worried about you. Would you like me to come to the appointment, help you write things down, or leave you to speak to them on your own?”

Services won’t tell me anything

You can give a doctor information even when they cannot discuss your son or daughter’s care. Say what you have noticed and when. The doctor may need to tell them what you shared, so explain any concerns about that.

Write down your concerns or prepare for a meeting. If help cannot wait, use the urgent-help route; do not wait for a letter to be read.^[2]

If they want the team to share some information with you, they can use the information-sharing template to prepare their own choices.

We live together and it affects everyone

Try discussing one practical pressure at a time: disturbed sleep, meals, visitors or who is doing the shopping. Agree what you can each manage this week and when to talk again.

The household guide covers children, relatives and the strain on a couple. For more help, use setting limits, help for children taking on caring tasks and sharing the support.

I keep thinking I caused this or should have noticed

If you keep going over the past, give yourself somewhere to talk about that too. Feeling guilty does not tell you what caused their difficulties. You can seek support for yourself while helping them.

Guilt, anger and other difficult feelings · Talk to other parents and supporters^[3]

They live away from me

Ask what contact suits them: a regular call, occasional messages or a visit you arrange together. Check which practical things they would welcome help with. Agree what you should do if an expected call does not happen; an unanswered message alone does not tell you what is wrong.

If they want you involved, agree who else nearby can help and what information they are happy to share. Use sharing the support and confidentiality to work through the arrangements.

They won’t speak to me, or I’m being shut out

Respect a request for space. You could leave one brief message saying how they can contact you, without asking them to explain or reply. If they prefer another trusted person, ask whether that person can help; avoid turning contact into a group effort to persuade them.

If there are specific concerns about their health or safety, you can pass observations to their GP or team. If they are suspicious of you, use the guidance for that situation. If help cannot safely wait, use urgent help.

If this is an argument rather than suspicion, see when you are getting the blame. A diagnosis does not explain every disagreement.

They have just turned 18

If they are leaving children’s services, the guide to moving to adult mental-health services covers the handover and your involvement. For a younger child or teenager, use supporting someone under 18.

Sources for this advice

Offering help
Mind: helping someone seek support. Practical appointment support should follow what the person wants. The suggested words are ours.
Back to the advice
Sharing concerns with a doctor
GMC: listening to those close to a patient (paragraphs 39 and 40). Listening to information and disclosing information are different; secrecy cannot be promised.
Confidentiality: what you can tell the care team and what they may share.
Back to the advice
Guilt and support for you
Mind: your mental health as a carer covers guilt and the effect of caring on your own life. This page does not try to establish the cause of anyone’s illness.
Back to the advice

Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026

My brother or sister

Ask what they want from you

A conversation between the two of you may be different from a family discussion. Ask whether they want company, practical help or someone to listen. If you usually share jokes, music or a hobby, there is still room for that.

Words you could use

“Would you like me to come over? We can talk about what’s happening if you want, but we don’t have to.”

I’m caught between them and our parents

Living together: children, relatives and home life.

Before agreeing to pass on an update, ask your sibling what they want shared. If you are being asked to settle every disagreement, be clear about what you can take part in.

Privacy and when to involve someone else · Words for setting a limit^[1]

I’m worried I’ll have to take over their care

If your parents are getting older or finding support harder, put this on the agenda before it becomes urgent. Ask your sibling what they want. Write down the help currently provided and which parts need another arrangement; avoid leaving it as “you’ll look after them”.

Planning for changes in who can help

The family’s attention is always on them

You can love your sibling and still want time with your family that is about your own life. The difficult-feelings guide has help with resentment and guilt. You do not have to wait for another crisis to talk about the effect on you.^[2]

I want to talk to another sibling

Rethink Mental Illness’s group finder has a Siblings filter. Check each group’s location, age range and whether it meets online, then contact the organiser about joining.

You can also read Eleanor’s account of supporting her sister. It is one person’s experience, not a model everyone has to follow.^[3]

Sources for this advice

Family roles and your own needs
Rethink Mental Illness: Eleanor’s story is a first-person account of sibling support and changing family roles. The conversation and planning prompts here are editorial examples.
Back to the advice
Difficult feelings
Mind: your mental health as a carer describes anger, guilt and the strain on a supporter’s own life.
Back to the advice
Sibling peer support
Rethink Mental Illness: groups in your area provides a Siblings filter. Individual group arrangements must be checked with the organiser.
Back to the advice

Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026

A friend

Stay their friend

You do not need to manage their treatment or become their only support. Keep room for the things you usually enjoy together. Ask whether they would like invitations even when they often say no.

If you do not know their GP or care team, you can still seek advice about a concern. For urgent help, use the route where they live; you do not need to find their GP first.

For unanswered messages, privacy and passing concerns to a professional, use keeping in touch and knowing when to get help.

Sources for this advice

Mind: supporting someone with a mental-health problem and looking after yourself. The full contact guide preserves the sources for privacy and sharing concerns.

Last full source check for this relationship advice: 5 October 2026

A colleague or someone I manage

Find a private moment to ask

Mention what you have noticed, then give them room to answer. They may not want to discuss personal details at work. A quiet conversation is a better place to begin than asking in front of the team.^[1]

Words you could use

“You’ve seemed a bit unlike yourself lately. How are things? We could go somewhere quieter if you’d like to talk.”

I’m their colleague

Ask what would help at work. You could offer to go with them to speak to their manager, or help find details of any staff support. If you are already covering extra work and cannot keep doing it, raise the workload problem without giving the team private information about them.

Listening without trying to solve everything

I’m their manager

Ask which parts of work are difficult. Discuss possible changes to hours, tasks, deadlines or communication, and arrange a time to review them. Check what HR, occupational health or an employee assistance programme can offer, where these are available.

Acas: examples of mental-health adjustments explains options for employers in Great Britain. In Northern Ireland, see nidirect’s workplace support and advice contacts.^[2]

They can also check Access to Work in England, Scotland and Wales, or Access to Work in Northern Ireland, for help with disability-related support at work. Eligibility and the help offered depend on their circumstances. These schemes do not pay for adjustments the employer is legally required to make.

They want me to keep it secret

Be clear about what you can keep private. If there is a good reason to involve someone else, explain who and why. As a manager, follow the organisation’s confidentiality process and discuss what, if anything, colleagues need to be told.

Confidentiality: what you can tell the care team and what they may share.^[3]

I’m worried they may not be safe

If you are worried about suicide, use the guide to asking and responding. If help cannot wait, use urgent help and what to say when you call. Do not wait for an HR meeting to get urgent help.^[4]

Sources for this advice

Talking privately
Acas: talking about mental health at work recommends private, supportive conversations. The suggested words are ours.
Back to the advice
Support and changes at work
Acas: mental-health adjustments covers individual changes and review. nidirect: counselling at work describes workplace support and employment-advice contacts in Northern Ireland. Availability depends on the workplace; this page is not an employment-law guide. GOV.UK: Access to Work and nidirect: Access to Work (NI) explain the separate programmes and their limits, checked 2 October 2026.
Back to the advice
Confidentiality at work
Acas: being clear about confidentiality explains permission and being clear when information needs to be shared.
Back to the advice
When urgent help is needed
Acas: if you think a worker is at risk includes seeking help and responding to immediate danger.
Back to the advice

Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026

If they may be having a flashback

A flashback can make a past danger feel as if it is happening now. Do not demand an explanation. Use their name, say where they are and tell them they are with you now. Do not touch them unexpectedly. Ask first, even if a hug or holding hands would usually be welcome. Reduce noise, people and questions where possible.

Suggested words“You're here with me now. Would it help if I stayed, gave you space, or helped you notice what's around us?”

If grounding seems helpful

Offer one simple choice at a time. They might look around and name a few things they can see, feel their feet against the floor, say where they are and what day it is, move around, wash their hands or take a drink of water. The familiar 5-4-3-2-1 exercise uses the senses to notice five things they can see, four they can feel, three they can hear, two they can smell and one they can taste.

Grounding does not help everyone. Do not turn it into a test or keep asking questions if it is frustrating or overwhelming them. Stop, give space and ask what would be more useful.^[1]

If they are injured, unable to stay safe or you are unsure whether this is a medical emergency, use urgent help.

When they are always on edge or avoiding things

Someone may scan for danger, startle easily, sleep badly, withdraw or avoid people and places connected with what happened. Ask what helps them feel more settled rather than assuming. Give advance warning about visitors, noise or travel: where you are going, who will be there and whether plans have changed. Offer choices and keep your promises where you can.

Do not force them into a feared situation or arrange a surprise confrontation with it. At the same time, you do not have to reorganise the whole household around avoidance. Talk in a calmer moment about what support is useful, what you can reasonably do and whether a clinician can help with the next step.^[2]

Let them control the story

Say that you believe they are distressed and that you are willing to listen.
Let them choose whether to talk about what happened. They may prefer company without talking about it.
Ask what helps when memories, nightmares or feeling on edge become intense.
Do not ask for graphic detail, question why they acted as they did, or promise that recovery will be quick.
Do not share their story with other people unless they agree, except when you must act to protect someone from serious harm.

You can say, “You don't have to tell me the details. What would help you feel safer or more settled right now?”

Support with treatment or finding help

If they already have a therapist or team, ask what help they would like between appointments: a lift, company afterwards or time to themselves. Let them decide what to tell you about treatment. Encourage them to tell their clinician if symptoms change or treatment feels too much.

If they do not have support, offer to help contact a GP, write down what is happening, travel to an appointment or wait nearby. The NHS says PTSD treatment can include trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy and eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing.

If help cannot wait, you can ask for urgent advice on their behalf even if you do not know their GP.

Do not try to conduct trauma therapy, exposure or detailed retelling yourself.^[6]

If they have served in the armed forces

With their agreement, offer to look at support that understands military life. They do not have to talk through their experiences with you before asking for help.

England: NHS Op COURAGE supports veterans, reservists and people leaving the armed forces. They can contact it directly, or ask you to help. Check its eligibility information and local contacts.
Wales: Veterans' NHS Wales accepts referrals for service-related mental-health difficulties. It is not an urgent service.
Scotland: their GP can help them find appropriate care. NHS inform lists veterans' services, including Veterans First Point in some areas.
Northern Ireland: the Veterans Support Line helps veterans and families find services. Their GP remains a route to mental-health care.

If help cannot wait, use urgent help rather than waiting for a routine referral.

If they have experienced sexual violence

They do not have to describe what happened to you before you help them find support. Ask whether they would like to look at the options together, have you nearby while they call, or make contact privately.

Medical care and specialist support

See the NHS information for England or Wales, SARCS in Scotland, or The Rowan in Northern Ireland. Adults can seek help without first reporting to the police. Scotland's SARCS self-referral route is for people aged 16 or over after a recent assault; its information also explains where to seek help if longer has passed. Do not wait for a PTSD diagnosis before asking about care after an assault.

Someone to talk to, including for supporters

Rape Crisis England & Wales' Support Line: 0808 500 2222. Free to call from UK landlines and mobiles. 24 hours, every day. For people aged 16 or over in England and Wales.
Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02. Free to call from UK landlines and mobiles. Every day, 5pm to midnight. For people aged 13 or over in Scotland.

Both lines welcome people of all genders and friends or family seeking support themselves. You can ask for advice about supporting someone without arranging treatment on their behalf. In Northern Ireland, The Rowan can advise about support after recent or past sexual violence.

Support over time

Agree what happens after a difficult night

Choose a calm time to discuss what would help if they wake frightened from a nightmare: company, a light on or some space. Agree what you can realistically do at night. Do not assume that touch or questions about the dream will be welcome.

If nightmares regularly affect their sleep and everyday life, the NHS advises speaking to a GP. Offer to help note how often they happen and the effect the next day. They can also tell their therapist if they have one; you do not need to work through the trauma with them yourself.

These suggestions are for someone who is awake after a nightmare. Night terrors are different: the person is still asleep. See NHS guidance on nightmares and night terrors for the distinction and when to seek help.^[7]

Support for you

You may feel constantly alert yourself, struggle to sleep or find that what you have heard stays with you. Speak to someone you trust without sharing unnecessary details of the person's trauma, use your GP if your own health is affected, and look for support that is specifically for carers or supporters.

PTSD UK information for friends and family Mind support for carers, friends and family Make a plan together Set a boundary Support for you

Seeing a friend and making plans

Keep inviting them, with room to say no

Ask what they would enjoy and what makes going out difficult. Before a busy pub, football match or fireworks night, explain what to expect and ask whether they would prefer another plan. A quieter time, meeting outside first or being able to leave early may help. Do not assume every loud noise affects them in the same way.

If they cancel, ask whether they would like another invitation or a different way to catch up. They do not owe you details of their trauma to explain their choice.^[4]

If a flashback happens while you are out

Use the flashback guidance. Ask whether they want to move somewhere quieter; do not grab or steer them. You can ask bystanders to give them space without explaining their history: “Could you give us a bit of room, please?”

When they feel able to talk, ask what they would want you to do another time, including whether there is someone they would like you to contact. Do not share their story with mutual friends without permission. If someone is in danger, get urgent help.^[5]

PTSD and complex PTSD may affect relationships differently

Complex PTSD is associated with repeated or prolonged trauma. Alongside PTSD symptoms, a person may have persistent difficulties with emotions, shame or worthlessness, and feeling connected to other people. A reaction may be triggered by a tone of voice, conflict, closeness or feeling trapped, and may not include a clear visual memory.

Do not decide that every disagreement is a trauma response. Ask what happened for them, offer choices and return to difficult relationship issues when both of you are more settled. Trust is helped by consistency, consent and clear boundaries, not by agreeing to everything.^[3]

Sources and how this guide was written

If grounding seems helpful
Mind: supporting someone during flashbacks and respecting personal space and NHS inform: PTSD and complex PTSD grounding guidance.
Back to the advice
When they are always on edge or avoiding things
NHS: symptoms of PTSD and Mind: triggers, planning and personal space.
Back to the advice
PTSD and complex PTSD may affect relationships differently
NHS inform: PTSD and complex PTSD and NICE PTSD guideline.
Back to the advice
Making plans with a friend
Mind: asking about triggers, respecting choices and spending time together. Pub, football and fireworks examples apply that guidance to meeting a friend.
Back to the advice
Flashbacks in public and privacy
Mind: flashbacks, personal space and planning ahead; Mind: privacy and boundaries.
Back to the advice
Support for veterans and survivors of sexual violence
Veteran and sexual-violence routes checked 7 October 2026 against the official providers linked in those sections. Rape Crisis England & Wales FAQs confirm age, geography and supporter eligibility; Rape Crisis Scotland confirms its current hours and audience. Services have different referral rules and do not replace urgent care.
Support with treatment or finding help
NHS: PTSD symptoms, diagnosis and treatment; Mind: helping someone find support and planning what you can offer.
Back to the advice
Agree what happens after a difficult night
Mind: planning support, personal space and your own limits; NHS: regular nightmares affecting daily life. The planning examples apply this guidance; they are not a treatment programme.
Back to the advice

Last full source check: 29 August 2026

Veteran and sexual-violence support routes checked: 7 October 2026.

Consent and seeking advice wording checked: 7 October 2026. Sources and explanation.

Later checks: Summary based on Mind guidance for friends and family checked: 30 September 2026. Editorial changes checked against the linked guidance: 1 October 2026.

Rape Crisis helpline contact details checked: 8 October 2026.

Independent information, not a medical or crisis service. This guidance has not been clinically reviewed. How we use sources.

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