Supporting your adult son or daughter

You can give a doctor information even when they cannot discuss your son or daughter’s care. Say what you have noticed and when. The doctor may need to tell them what you shared, so explain any concerns about that.

Write down your concerns or prepare for a meeting. If help cannot wait, use the urgent-help route; do not wait for a letter to be read.^[2]

If they want the team to share some information with you, they can use the information-sharing template to prepare their own choices.

Try discussing one practical pressure at a time: disturbed sleep, meals, visitors or who is doing the shopping. Agree what you can each manage this week and when to talk again.

The household guide covers children, relatives and the strain on a couple. For more help, use setting limits, help for children taking on caring tasks and sharing the support.

If you keep going over the past, give yourself somewhere to talk about that too. Feeling guilty does not tell you what caused their difficulties. You can seek support for yourself while helping them.

Guilt, anger and other difficult feelings · Talk to other parents and supporters^[3]

Ask what contact suits them: a regular call, occasional messages or a visit you arrange together. Check which practical things they would welcome help with. Agree what you should do if an expected call does not happen; an unanswered message alone does not tell you what is wrong.

If they want you involved, agree who else nearby can help and what information they are happy to share. Use sharing the support and confidentiality to work through the arrangements.

Respect a request for space. You could leave one brief message saying how they can contact you, without asking them to explain or reply. If they prefer another trusted person, ask whether that person can help; avoid turning contact into a group effort to persuade them.

If there are specific concerns about their health or safety, you can pass observations to their GP or team. If they are suspicious of you, use the guidance for that situation. If help cannot safely wait, use urgent help.

If this is an argument rather than suspicion, see when you are getting the blame. A diagnosis does not explain every disagreement.

If they are leaving children’s services, the guide to moving to adult mental-health services covers the handover and your involvement. For a younger child or teenager, use supporting someone under 18.