Home and family life

Living together when someone is unwell

Living in the same home can mean interrupted sleep, extra jobs and very little space from the worry. Other people in the household have needs too. You do not have to settle every family problem at once.

Start with what needs to happen this week

Talk together, if they are able, about meals, shopping, sleep, childcare and appointments. Ask which things they want to keep doing and where help would be useful. Write down who has actually agreed to each job; a plan that depends on one exhausted person needs more support.

The questions below are suggestions for making the arrangements clearer. They are not a set of house rules to impose on someone who is ill.

Starting the conversation

“The evenings are getting difficult for all of us. Can we work out what needs doing, what you want help with, and who else we can ask?”

Advice for your relationship (optional)

The main guidance applies whoever you are supporting. Choose a relationship for advice about conversations and what you can take on.

My mum or dad

If you are under 18 and helping a parent, see support for young carers.

Talk about what you have noticed

Describe a particular change rather than trying to name an illness. Ask how things have been for them, and whether they want help arranging an appointment. The guide to starting the conversation has more ways to begin.^[1]

Words you could use

“Mum, how have things been? Would you like some help making an appointment?”

They brush it off or say I’m interfering

Read what you can do when someone does not want help. If you need to pass observations to a doctor, you can do that even if the doctor cannot discuss their care. They may need to tell your parent what you shared.

Prepare a letter or questions for an appointment^[2]

I live a long way away

Agree a way of keeping in touch that suits you both. Ask whether there is someone nearby they would want involved, and what you can share with that person. The contact guide covers worrying silence and unanswered doors. If help cannot wait, use the urgent route where your parent lives.

This brings back difficult memories

If you supported your parent as a child, today’s worries may come with a long history. You can seek support for your own mental health without making your parent part of those conversations.

Jonathan’s account of supporting his mother describes recognising the effect on his own life. It is one person’s story.^[3]

For ongoing difficulties, see preparing a treatment review and help with daily tasks and living alone.

Changes in an older parent

If your parent is becoming more forgetful, or memory problems are affecting everyday life, offer to help them arrange a GP assessment. An adult usually needs to agree; you can encourage them but usually cannot make them accept help. You can still tell their GP what you have noticed and ask for advice. Avoid assuming you know the cause. Sudden confusion needs immediate medical help: call 999 or go to A&E.^[4]

If daily tasks are becoming difficult, ask their local social-care service about a care needs assessment. You can separately ask for an assessment of your needs as a carer.^[5] Read the older-parent guide for appointments, isolation, help at home and benefits.

Sources for this advice

Starting the conversation
Mind: helping someone seek support covers listening and offering practical help with appointments. The suggested words are ours; change Mum and the observations to fit.
Back to the advice
Sharing concerns with a doctor
GMC: listening to those close to a patient (paragraphs 39 and 40) explains listening, disclosure and why information may need to be shared with the patient.
Confidentiality: what you can tell the care team and what they may share.
Back to the advice
Growing up with caring responsibilities
Rethink Mental Illness: Jonathan’s story is a lived-experience account, not clinical evidence or a prediction about other families.
Back to the advice
Memory changes and sudden confusion
NHS: memory loss advises seeing a GP when memory problems affect everyday life. NHS: sudden confusion distinguishes gradual changes from confusion needing immediate help. These sources were checked on 5 October 2026.
Back to the advice
Care and carer support
NHS care needs assessments and NHS carer’s assessments explain the separate assessments in England. The Rights & money guide links to the routes in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.
Back to the advice

Care-assessment links and older-parent signpost checked: 8 October 2026. Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026

My partner

Talk about this week’s pressures

Choose a calmer moment to work out what needs doing and what each of you can manage. Be specific: meals, bills, school runs or a night of uninterrupted sleep. Ask who else could help with something neither of you can take on.^[1]

Words you could use

“I want to help, but I’m struggling with everything that needs doing. Can we work out what we can each manage this week and what we need help with?”

We barely feel like a couple

Ask whether there is something you would both enjoy that does not revolve around appointments or how they are feeling. It might be watching something together or getting out for a coffee. Leave room for either of you to say no.

Keeping your relationship alongside the support^[2]

They want me to be available all the time

Use the boundary guide to work out what you can keep offering. During a calmer spell, plan who to contact when you are unavailable. If the situation is urgent now, use urgent help.

The children are noticing

Living together: children, relatives and home life.

You might be trying to explain cancelled plans, changed routines or why their parent is in hospital. Mind’s guide to parenting and mental health has ideas for arranging family support. If children are taking on caring tasks, the young-carer guide explains how to find help for them. If you are worried about a child’s safety, use safeguarding guidance.

They seem irritable or we keep snapping at each other

Pause a conversation that is getting heated and return to one practical issue when you can both talk. Ask what has changed and what is hardest, without deciding for them what the cause must be. Responding when you get the blame includes ways to pause and set limits.

Work out what needs to change and what you can keep offering.^[3]

I feel frightened or controlled

For threats, intimidation or feeling unsafe at home, go to help when you feel frightened or threatened. It includes specialist domestic-abuse support. You can ask for advice about your own safety.

Sources for this advice

Sharing everyday responsibilities
Mind: looking after yourself while caring supports being realistic about what you can do and finding help. The household examples and suggested words are ours.
Back to the advice
Staying close
Mind: caring for someone with a mental-health problem discusses changes in relationships; Mind’s self-care guidance includes shared interests beyond caring tasks.
Back to the advice
Limits and support for you
Mind: looking after yourself while caring covers being realistic about what you can do and sharing the support. The boundary guide gives the sources for its practical suggestions. This Mind source was checked on 5 October 2026.
Back to the advice

Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026

My adult son or daughter

Offer help they can have a say in

Ask what would make getting help easier: booking an appointment together, writing down their concerns or going with them. Let them choose which parts they want you involved in. If they do not want help, there are still ways to respond.^[1]

Words you could use

“I’m worried about you. Would you like me to come to the appointment, help you write things down, or leave you to speak to them on your own?”

Services won’t tell me anything

You can give a doctor information even when they cannot discuss your son or daughter’s care. Say what you have noticed and when. The doctor may need to tell them what you shared, so explain any concerns about that.

Write down your concerns or prepare for a meeting. If help cannot wait, use the urgent-help route; do not wait for a letter to be read.^[2]

If they want the team to share some information with you, they can use the information-sharing template to prepare their own choices.

We live together and it affects everyone

Try discussing one practical pressure at a time: disturbed sleep, meals, visitors or who is doing the shopping. Agree what you can each manage this week and when to talk again.

The household guide covers children, relatives and the strain on a couple. For more help, use setting limits, help for children taking on caring tasks and sharing the support.

I keep thinking I caused this or should have noticed

If you keep going over the past, give yourself somewhere to talk about that too. Feeling guilty does not tell you what caused their difficulties. You can seek support for yourself while helping them.

Guilt, anger and other difficult feelings · Talk to other parents and supporters^[3]

They live away from me

Ask what contact suits them: a regular call, occasional messages or a visit you arrange together. Check which practical things they would welcome help with. Agree what you should do if an expected call does not happen; an unanswered message alone does not tell you what is wrong.

If they want you involved, agree who else nearby can help and what information they are happy to share. Use sharing the support and confidentiality to work through the arrangements.

They won’t speak to me, or I’m being shut out

Respect a request for space. You could leave one brief message saying how they can contact you, without asking them to explain or reply. If they prefer another trusted person, ask whether that person can help; avoid turning contact into a group effort to persuade them.

If there are specific concerns about their health or safety, you can pass observations to their GP or team. If they are suspicious of you, use the guidance for that situation. If help cannot safely wait, use urgent help.

If this is an argument rather than suspicion, see when you are getting the blame. A diagnosis does not explain every disagreement.

They have just turned 18

If they are leaving children’s services, the guide to moving to adult mental-health services covers the handover and your involvement. For a younger child or teenager, use supporting someone under 18.

Sources for this advice

Offering help
Mind: helping someone seek support. Practical appointment support should follow what the person wants. The suggested words are ours.
Back to the advice
Sharing concerns with a doctor
GMC: listening to those close to a patient (paragraphs 39 and 40). Listening to information and disclosing information are different; secrecy cannot be promised.
Confidentiality: what you can tell the care team and what they may share.
Back to the advice
Guilt and support for you
Mind: your mental health as a carer covers guilt and the effect of caring on your own life. This page does not try to establish the cause of anyone’s illness.
Back to the advice

Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026

My brother or sister

Ask what they want from you

A conversation between the two of you may be different from a family discussion. Ask whether they want company, practical help or someone to listen. If you usually share jokes, music or a hobby, there is still room for that.

Words you could use

“Would you like me to come over? We can talk about what’s happening if you want, but we don’t have to.”

I’m caught between them and our parents

Living together: children, relatives and home life.

Before agreeing to pass on an update, ask your sibling what they want shared. If you are being asked to settle every disagreement, be clear about what you can take part in.

Privacy and when to involve someone else · Words for setting a limit^[1]

I’m worried I’ll have to take over their care

If your parents are getting older or finding support harder, put this on the agenda before it becomes urgent. Ask your sibling what they want. Write down the help currently provided and which parts need another arrangement; avoid leaving it as “you’ll look after them”.

Planning for changes in who can help

The family’s attention is always on them

You can love your sibling and still want time with your family that is about your own life. The difficult-feelings guide has help with resentment and guilt. You do not have to wait for another crisis to talk about the effect on you.^[2]

I want to talk to another sibling

Rethink Mental Illness’s group finder has a Siblings filter. Check each group’s location, age range and whether it meets online, then contact the organiser about joining.

You can also read Eleanor’s account of supporting her sister. It is one person’s experience, not a model everyone has to follow.^[3]

Sources for this advice

Family roles and your own needs
Rethink Mental Illness: Eleanor’s story is a first-person account of sibling support and changing family roles. The conversation and planning prompts here are editorial examples.
Back to the advice
Difficult feelings
Mind: your mental health as a carer describes anger, guilt and the strain on a supporter’s own life.
Back to the advice
Sibling peer support
Rethink Mental Illness: groups in your area provides a Siblings filter. Individual group arrangements must be checked with the organiser.
Back to the advice

Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026

A friend

Stay their friend

You do not need to manage their treatment or become their only support. Keep room for the things you usually enjoy together. Ask whether they would like invitations even when they often say no.

If you do not know their GP or care team, you can still seek advice about a concern. For urgent help, use the route where they live; you do not need to find their GP first.

For unanswered messages, privacy and passing concerns to a professional, use keeping in touch and knowing when to get help.

Sources for this advice

Mind: supporting someone with a mental-health problem and looking after yourself. The full contact guide preserves the sources for privacy and sharing concerns.

Last full source check for this relationship advice: 5 October 2026

A colleague or someone I manage

Find a private moment to ask

Mention what you have noticed, then give them room to answer. They may not want to discuss personal details at work. A quiet conversation is a better place to begin than asking in front of the team.^[1]

Words you could use

“You’ve seemed a bit unlike yourself lately. How are things? We could go somewhere quieter if you’d like to talk.”

I’m their colleague

Ask what would help at work. You could offer to go with them to speak to their manager, or help find details of any staff support. If you are already covering extra work and cannot keep doing it, raise the workload problem without giving the team private information about them.

Listening without trying to solve everything

I’m their manager

Ask which parts of work are difficult. Discuss possible changes to hours, tasks, deadlines or communication, and arrange a time to review them. Check what HR, occupational health or an employee assistance programme can offer, where these are available.

Acas: examples of mental-health adjustments explains options for employers in Great Britain. In Northern Ireland, see nidirect’s workplace support and advice contacts.^[2]

They can also check Access to Work in England, Scotland and Wales, or Access to Work in Northern Ireland, for help with disability-related support at work. Eligibility and the help offered depend on their circumstances. These schemes do not pay for adjustments the employer is legally required to make.

They want me to keep it secret

Be clear about what you can keep private. If there is a good reason to involve someone else, explain who and why. As a manager, follow the organisation’s confidentiality process and discuss what, if anything, colleagues need to be told.

Confidentiality: what you can tell the care team and what they may share.^[3]

I’m worried they may not be safe

If you are worried about suicide, use the guide to asking and responding. If help cannot wait, use urgent help and what to say when you call. Do not wait for an HR meeting to get urgent help.^[4]

Sources for this advice

Talking privately
Acas: talking about mental health at work recommends private, supportive conversations. The suggested words are ours.
Back to the advice
Support and changes at work
Acas: mental-health adjustments covers individual changes and review. nidirect: counselling at work describes workplace support and employment-advice contacts in Northern Ireland. Availability depends on the workplace; this page is not an employment-law guide. GOV.UK: Access to Work and nidirect: Access to Work (NI) explain the separate programmes and their limits, checked 2 October 2026.
Back to the advice
Confidentiality at work
Acas: being clear about confidentiality explains permission and being clear when information needs to be shared.
Back to the advice
When urgent help is needed
Acas: if you think a worker is at risk includes seeking help and responding to immediate danger.
Back to the advice

Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026

What is putting pressure on home life?

Sleep, chores and space to yourself

Choose one pressure to discuss: being woken in the night, an empty fridge, visitors or having nowhere quiet to sit. Try a specific arrangement, such as a relative bringing a meal on Tuesdays, and agree when to review it.

If there are children, make sure another trusted adult knows their usual school, meal and bedtime arrangements. Put the agreed backup in a crisis plan, including who can collect or stay with them.

You can be clear about what you can manage. Use setting limits if agreeing those limits is difficult.^[1]

What do we tell the children?

If a parent is unwell, ask what the child has noticed and what worries them. Use simple, truthful language suited to their age. You can have several short conversations; you do not need to explain every detail of a diagnosis.

Make clear that the illness is not their fault and that getting the parent better is not their job. Help them name a trusted adult they can talk to when they are worried.

For example, if it is true: “Dad is unwell and the doctor is helping him. You haven’t caused this. You can ask me questions, even if you feel angry or frightened.” Avoid promising a date when things will be better.

Our Time’s family resources include help with explaining parental mental illness and a film for younger children.^[2]

The other children are getting overlooked

Make some room to ask each child how things are for them, including when the person who is unwell is their brother or sister. A useful question is: “What has changed for you at home?” They may need time with you that is about their own life.

If a child is missing school, losing time with friends or regularly taking responsibility for an adult or sibling, tell a trusted member of school staff and ask about young-carer support. They do not have to call themselves a carer to ask for help.

If a child is frightened or their needs are not being met, use the safeguarding guide to find the right service. If someone is in immediate danger, use urgent help.^[3]

What should we tell other relatives?

Where possible, agree with the person what they want shared, with whom and who will give updates. You can ask for a lift or a meal without sending their medical history round a family group chat.

You also need somewhere to talk about your own experience. A supporter group or counsellor can give you space to do that without making every relative part of their care. See people you can talk to.

If relatives disagree, try asking for one concrete contribution rather than settling the whole argument: “Could you do the shopping on Friday?” You do not need everyone to agree about the illness before asking for practical help. For concerns you need to pass to professionals, see sharing information when someone does not want help.^[4]

We are arguing or hardly feel like a couple

Whether one of you is unwell or you are both supporting someone else, try naming the pressure underneath a particular disagreement: sleep, money, appointments or never having time together. Agree one change you can review, rather than trying to resolve the whole relationship in one conversation.

If you both want to, keep a little time for something you used to enjoy together. That might be a programme or a short walk, without using it to check symptoms or discuss care.

You can each seek support for yourselves. If there is intimidation, control or violence, use the safety advice and abuse-support routes; a household discussion is not a substitute for safety.^[5]

There is nobody else and I cannot keep doing this

If the arrangements are no longer possible, say exactly which care cannot happen and from when. Use when care cannot continue today for who to contact, what to say and what to ask them to record. If you need longer-term help, start with when nobody can take over.

Support for you · Sharing the responsibility

Sources and how this guide was written

Practical support at home
Mind: parenting and mental health recommends practical support, shared routines and planning ahead. The household questions and examples here are our suggestions.
Back to the advice
Talking about a parent’s illness
Our Time: Parenting with a mental illness (PDF), especially pages 3 to 5, explains blame, responsibility and age-appropriate conversations. The example words are ours.
Back to the advice
Children with caring responsibilities
The Royal College of Psychiatrists’ guide for young people describes the effect of caring on school, friendships and siblings. The linked young-carer guide covers support across the UK. Making individual time is an editorial suggestion.
Back to the advice
Privacy and support for you
Mind: helping someone seek support discusses sharing care and respecting privacy while seeking support for yourself. The family-update and shopping examples are ours.
Back to the advice
The relationship as well as the caring
Mind: looking after yourself while caring suggests boundaries, breaks, shared interests and support. The conversation prompts are ours, not a treatment for relationship difficulties.
Back to the advice

Last full source check: 2 October 2026

Independent information, not a medical or crisis service. This guidance has not been clinically reviewed. How we use sources.