Supporting someone over the long term

Share what you can, even if it is not equal. A sibling might make a regular phone call. A friend might help with appointments. If you are on your own, try the communities and ask for a carer's assessment through the Rights & money page.

Mind advises sharing the caring role where possible and being realistic about what you can do.

You may need to decide when you are available, how much financial help you can offer, and what you will do if you are shouted at or threatened. This can make the situation more manageable over time.

Talk about these limits during a calmer spell. Be clear about what you can and cannot do, and try to be consistent.

You may feel guilty at first. That is common. The boundaries guide goes through this in more detail.

Over time, your work, friendships and health can slip down the list. Try to keep at least one regular thing that is yours: a run, a night out or time with a friend.

It can be difficult to make the time, but it may help you keep going. Support for you has more on this.

You may miss how the person, your relationship or your future used to feel. That can sit alongside love, hope and ordinary good moments. You do not need to settle those feelings before speaking to a counsellor or peer group.

Guilt, anger and other difficult feelings has practical ways to talk about your own experience while protecting the other person's privacy.

Siblings, parents, partners and friends may see the situation differently. Avoid relying on a general promise to "help more". List the repeated tasks and ask each person to take responsibility for something specific.

If one person cannot offer practical help, ask whether they can make calls, research services, attend a meeting or give you a regular period off. If there is nobody to share with, say this clearly during a carer's assessment.

If their mental health tends to get worse in spells, make a plan while things are steady. It is much harder to make decisions in the middle of a crisis.

Agree what their early warning signs look like, what helps, who to call and what they want to happen if they become very unwell. Write it down using the crisis plan.

Your role may change when a professional team becomes more involved. Ask what the team is responsible for, which number to use when things deteriorate, what information they can receive from you and how the person wants you involved.

Confidentiality may limit what a service tells you, but it does not prevent staff from listening to information you provide. If you are repeatedly shut out, use when services say no.

It is easier to discuss confidentiality before a crisis. During a steadier period, ask whether they want their GP or care team to share information with you and how that consent should be recorded.

Ask the team when consent may need to be reviewed. There is more practical information in the things worth knowing sooner.

If you are a main source of support, decide who could step in if you were ill or away and what they would need to know.

Even a rough handover helps: a note of the diagnosis, medication, care-team numbers, what a bad spell looks like and what usually helps. Keep it somewhere a trusted person could find it. Make sure services know who you are, too.