If you are under 18 and helping a parent, see support for young carers.
Talk about what you have noticed
Describe a particular change rather than trying to name an illness. Ask how things have been for them, and whether they want help arranging an appointment. The guide to starting the conversation has more ways to begin.[1]
“Mum, how have things been? Would you like some help making an appointment?”
They brush it off or say I’m interfering
Read what you can do when someone does not want help. If you need to pass observations to a doctor, you can do that even if the doctor cannot discuss their care. They may need to tell your parent what you shared.
I live a long way away
Agree a way of keeping in touch that suits you both. Ask whether there is someone nearby they would want involved, and what you can share with that person. The contact guide covers worrying silence and unanswered doors. If help cannot wait, use the urgent route where your parent lives.
Everything falls to me
Make requests that someone can answer: “Can you take Dad to Thursday’s appointment?” or “Could you handle the shopping this week?” The guide to sharing support covers dividing practical jobs and planning for times you cannot help.
This brings back difficult memories
If you supported your parent as a child, today’s worries may come with a long history. You can seek support for your own mental health without making your parent part of those conversations.
Jonathan’s account of supporting his mother describes recognising the effect on his own life. It is one person’s story.[3]
For ongoing difficulties, see preparing a treatment review and help with daily tasks and living alone.
Changes in an older parent
If your parent is becoming more forgetful, or memory problems are affecting everyday life, offer to help them arrange a GP assessment. An adult usually needs to agree; you can encourage them but usually cannot make them accept help. You can still tell their GP what you have noticed and ask for advice. Avoid assuming you know the cause. Sudden confusion needs immediate medical help: call 999 or go to A&E.[4]
If daily tasks are becoming difficult, ask their local social-care service about a care needs assessment. You can separately ask for an assessment of your needs as a carer.[5] Read the older-parent guide for appointments, isolation, help at home and benefits.
Last full source check: . Next source check due: . What these dates mean.
Sources for this advice
- Starting the conversation
Mind: helping someone seek support covers listening and offering practical help with appointments. The suggested words are ours; change Mum and the observations to fit.
Back to the advice - Sharing concerns with a doctor
GMC: listening to those close to a patient (paragraphs 39 and 40) explains listening, disclosure and why information may need to be shared with the patient.
Confidentiality: what you can tell the care team and what they may share.
Back to the advice - Growing up with caring responsibilities
Rethink Mental Illness: Jonathan’s story is a lived-experience account, not clinical evidence or a prediction about other families.
Back to the advice - Memory changes and sudden confusion
NHS: memory loss advises seeing a GP when memory problems affect everyday life. NHS: sudden confusion distinguishes gradual changes from confusion needing immediate help. These sources were checked on 5 October 2026.
Back to the advice - Care and carer support
NHS care needs assessments and NHS carer’s assessments explain the separate assessments in England. The Rights & money guide links to the routes in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.
Back to the advice
Care-assessment links and older-parent signpost checked: 8 October 2026. Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026
Support for you · Find people who understand
Last full source check: 2 October 2026
Independent information, not a medical or crisis service. This guidance has not been clinically reviewed. How we use sources.