Here for someone

Conversations and contact

Keeping in touch

Keeping in touch, respecting privacy and knowing when to involve someone else.

All guides

You can keep ordinary contact going without managing their treatment or becoming their only support. If you regularly help them, you can also look into a carer’s assessment and financial support for caring; eligibility and routes vary across the UK.

Keeping in touch with depression? See talking and keeping in touch when they are depressed.

Starting a conversation

Start a conversation

Pick a moment when you have time to listen. Say what you have noticed without guessing a diagnosis. You do not need to solve everything in this conversation.

Words you could use

You’ve seemed a bit quiet lately. How are you doing?

They don’t want to talk

You could say: “No pressure. Want some company anyway?” Give them time, and ask later whether they would prefer a chat, a text or some space.

Keep the things you usually talk about in the mix. Being their friend does not mean taking charge of their treatment.[1]

They’re not replying

Think about what is unusual for them

An unanswered message or a read receipt cannot tell you whether they are safe. Try calling if their silence worries you. For an ordinary check-in without other worrying signs, keep it familiar.

A worrying message, then silence? If you believe their life is at risk, call 999. If you cannot establish that they are safe, seek urgent advice. What to do when you are not with them.

Words you could use

Fancy some company on Saturday? No need to reply now.

They haven’t opened the door

If they reply, ask what kind of contact suits them. Talk about things you would usually share: something you watched, a shared interest or a photo you would normally send.

If they have not opened the door for two days: the time alone cannot tell you how urgent it is. Try calling. Consider what is unusual for them, when anyone last heard from them and any worrying messages or signs of illness. If safe and appropriate, ask someone they trust nearby whether they have had contact, sharing only what is needed. If you still cannot establish that they are safe, seek urgent advice; you do not have to wait another day. Call 999 if you believe their life is at risk. Do not put yourself at risk trying to get inside.[2]

Someone is missing

If you cannot find someone and are worried about their safety, you do not have to wait 24 hours to contact police. See when to call, what to say and what the police may ask.

They’re annoyed with me

Take the pressure off

If they snap or ask you to stop, you do not have to defend every word. Pause the conversation and return to it when things are calmer.

Words you could use

I didn’t mean to push. We can leave it for now.

What if I’m still worried?

When things are calmer, ask whether they would prefer ordinary messages or some space. You do not have to tolerate threats or abuse. If you still think they may be unsafe, seek advice; an angry response does not tell you they are safe.[3]

Keeping in touch over time

Keep doing things together

Invite them to spend time with you without making every conversation about recovery. Ask whether they would like you to keep inviting them, even when they say no.

Words you could use

I’m going for a walk on Saturday. Fancy joining me?

I’m becoming their only support

If you have become their only support, discuss what you can keep doing and who else could help, with their agreement. During a calmer spell, agree a crisis-team contact or urgent-help route for times you are unavailable. Keep it somewhere you can both find it. You could say: “I can’t talk tonight, but I can give you a ring tomorrow.” Choose a time you can keep.

Ideas to share or do together · When depression lasts for months · Setting limits · Support for you[4]

They’re away at university

Read the full guide to supporting a student away at university: healthcare, raising university concerns, trusted contacts and study difficulties.

Ask what kind of contact helps and what they would like you to do when things are difficult. Listen before moving into problem-solving. You might offer to look up support together or stay on a call while they arrange it.

Check their university’s student services, wellbeing and disability support pages together. Names and services vary. The students’ union may also offer advice. If they live at university for most of the year, a GP near their term-time address can help them access local healthcare. Student Minds has guidance for people supporting a student from a distance.

Ask about trusted contacts. Check the university’s own policy: who can be named, when they may be contacted, what consent is requested and how details can be updated. A trusted contact can be someone the student chooses; do not assume it must be a parent or that every family relationship is safe. Being listed does not mean receiving routine updates.

Universities UK recommends clear arrangements for involving trusted contacts, including decisions in emergencies. These are recommendations for universities, not a promise about an individual institution. Staff may be limited in what they can tell you.

If you are worried, use the university’s published route for raising a welfare concern. For urgent concerns, use the urgent-help route where the student is and the advice for when you are not with them. If they are missing, see reporting a missing person.

Telling someone else

Ask who they want involved

When there is no immediate safety concern, ask what they are comfortable sharing and with whom. A partner or relative is not automatically the safest person to tell.

Words you could use

Is there anyone else you’d like me to tell? We can work out what to say together.

Privacy and safety

If you are worried about abuse or coercion, get safeguarding advice before contacting the person they fear. You can seek advice about your own concerns without broadcasting private messages to a group.[5]

If you are worried about their safety, see passing on a concern.

Passing concerns to a professional

You can pass on your concerns

A GP or care team can listen to your concerns even if they cannot discuss their care. Describe what you have seen or heard, with dates and their own words where possible.

Do not rely on an unread letter or email when help cannot wait. Use the urgent route, or call 999 if life is at risk.

Words you could use

I’m worried enough that I need to call someone. I’d rather do it with you.

How to contact their GP

Respect their privacy, but do not promise secrecy if someone may be in danger. If serious safety concerns mean you need help, share the relevant information with a professional or emergency service. Tell them what you are doing if it is safe; do not delay emergency help to get permission.

GMC guidance says doctors should not refuse to listen on confidentiality grounds. You can pass on your concerns; staff may still be unable to discuss the person’s care.

Confidentiality: what you can tell the care team and what they may share.

  1. Identify the person you are worried about. Give their name, date of birth or address if known, and your contact details.
  2. State the concern first. Describe what you saw or heard, with dates and exact words where possible. Say what you do not know.
  3. If staff say they cannot discuss it: “I understand. I’m calling to give you information I’m worried about. How can I get it to a clinician?”
  4. Ask what happens next. Ask for the concern to be recorded and passed on, and how to follow up if you remain worried. Keep a note of the call.

Use the GP-letter tool for a written concern. For a non-urgent concern, ask your friend which surgery they use and whether they want help contacting it. If help cannot wait, use the urgent help for their UK nation; you do not need their GP details to call. Do not rely on an unread letter or email in a crisis.

Staff may need to tell your friend what you shared. Explain any risk to you; do not assume your identity or message can be kept secret.[6]

Advice for your relationship (optional)

The main guidance applies whoever you are supporting. Choose a relationship for advice about conversations and what you can take on.

My mum or dad

If you are under 18 and helping a parent, see support for young carers.

Talk about what you have noticed

Describe a particular change rather than trying to name an illness. Ask how things have been for them, and whether they want help arranging an appointment. The guide to starting the conversation has more ways to begin.[1]

Words you could use

“Mum, how have things been? Would you like some help making an appointment?”

They brush it off or say I’m interfering

Read what you can do when someone does not want help. If you need to pass observations to a doctor, you can do that even if the doctor cannot discuss their care. They may need to tell your parent what you shared.

Prepare a letter or questions for an appointment[2]

I live a long way away

Agree a way of keeping in touch that suits you both. Ask whether there is someone nearby they would want involved, and what you can share with that person. The contact guide covers worrying silence and unanswered doors. If help cannot wait, use the urgent route where your parent lives.

Everything falls to me

Make requests that someone can answer: “Can you take Dad to Thursday’s appointment?” or “Could you handle the shopping this week?” The guide to sharing support covers dividing practical jobs and planning for times you cannot help.

This brings back difficult memories

If you supported your parent as a child, today’s worries may come with a long history. You can seek support for your own mental health without making your parent part of those conversations.

Jonathan’s account of supporting his mother describes recognising the effect on his own life. It is one person’s story.[3]

For ongoing difficulties, see preparing a treatment review and help with daily tasks and living alone.

Changes in an older parent

If your parent is becoming more forgetful, or memory problems are affecting everyday life, offer to help them arrange a GP assessment. An adult usually needs to agree; you can encourage them but usually cannot make them accept help. You can still tell their GP what you have noticed and ask for advice. Avoid assuming you know the cause. Sudden confusion needs immediate medical help: call 999 or go to A&E.[4]

If daily tasks are becoming difficult, ask their local social-care service about a care needs assessment. You can separately ask for an assessment of your needs as a carer.[5] Read the older-parent guide for appointments, isolation, help at home and benefits.

Sources for this advice
  1. Starting the conversation

    Mind: helping someone seek support covers listening and offering practical help with appointments. The suggested words are ours; change Mum and the observations to fit.

    Back to the advice
  2. Sharing concerns with a doctor

    GMC: listening to those close to a patient (paragraphs 39 and 40) explains listening, disclosure and why information may need to be shared with the patient.

    Confidentiality: what you can tell the care team and what they may share.

    Back to the advice
  3. Growing up with caring responsibilities

    Rethink Mental Illness: Jonathan’s story is a lived-experience account, not clinical evidence or a prediction about other families.

    Back to the advice
  4. Memory changes and sudden confusion

    NHS: memory loss advises seeing a GP when memory problems affect everyday life. NHS: sudden confusion distinguishes gradual changes from confusion needing immediate help. These sources were checked on 5 October 2026.

    Back to the advice
  5. Care and carer support

    NHS care needs assessments and NHS carer’s assessments explain the separate assessments in England. The Rights & money guide links to the routes in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.

    Back to the advice

Care-assessment links and older-parent signpost checked: 8 October 2026. Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026

My partner

Talk about this week’s pressures

Choose a calmer moment to work out what needs doing and what each of you can manage. Be specific: meals, bills, school runs or a night of uninterrupted sleep. Ask who else could help with something neither of you can take on.[1]

Words you could use

“I want to help, but I’m struggling with everything that needs doing. Can we work out what we can each manage this week and what we need help with?”

We barely feel like a couple

Ask whether there is something you would both enjoy that does not revolve around appointments or how they are feeling. It might be watching something together or getting out for a coffee. Leave room for either of you to say no.

Keeping your relationship alongside the support[2]

They want me to be available all the time

Use the boundary guide to work out what you can keep offering. During a calmer spell, plan who to contact when you are unavailable. If the situation is urgent now, use urgent help.

The children are noticing

Living together: children, relatives and home life.

You might be trying to explain cancelled plans, changed routines or why their parent is in hospital. Mind’s guide to parenting and mental health has ideas for arranging family support. If children are taking on caring tasks, the young-carer guide explains how to find help for them. If you are worried about a child’s safety, use safeguarding guidance.

They seem irritable or we keep snapping at each other

Pause a conversation that is getting heated and return to one practical issue when you can both talk. Ask what has changed and what is hardest, without deciding for them what the cause must be. Responding when you get the blame includes ways to pause and set limits.

Work out what needs to change and what you can keep offering.[3]

I feel frightened or controlled

For threats, intimidation or feeling unsafe at home, go to help when you feel frightened or threatened. It includes specialist domestic-abuse support. You can ask for advice about your own safety.

Sources for this advice
  1. Sharing everyday responsibilities

    Mind: looking after yourself while caring supports being realistic about what you can do and finding help. The household examples and suggested words are ours.

    Back to the advice
  2. Staying close

    Mind: caring for someone with a mental-health problem discusses changes in relationships; Mind’s self-care guidance includes shared interests beyond caring tasks.

    Back to the advice
  3. Limits and support for you

    Mind: looking after yourself while caring covers being realistic about what you can do and sharing the support. The boundary guide gives the sources for its practical suggestions. This Mind source was checked on 5 October 2026.

    Back to the advice

Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026

My adult son or daughter

Offer help they can have a say in

Ask what would make getting help easier: booking an appointment together, writing down their concerns or going with them. Let them choose which parts they want you involved in. If they do not want help, there are still ways to respond.[1]

Words you could use

“I’m worried about you. Would you like me to come to the appointment, help you write things down, or leave you to speak to them on your own?”

Services won’t tell me anything

You can give a doctor information even when they cannot discuss your son or daughter’s care. Say what you have noticed and when. The doctor may need to tell them what you shared, so explain any concerns about that.

Write down your concerns or prepare for a meeting. If help cannot wait, use the urgent-help route; do not wait for a letter to be read.[2]

If they want the team to share some information with you, they can use the information-sharing template to prepare their own choices.

We live together and it affects everyone

Try discussing one practical pressure at a time: disturbed sleep, meals, visitors or who is doing the shopping. Agree what you can each manage this week and when to talk again.

The household guide covers children, relatives and the strain on a couple. For more help, use setting limits, help for children taking on caring tasks and sharing the support.

I keep thinking I caused this or should have noticed

If you keep going over the past, give yourself somewhere to talk about that too. Feeling guilty does not tell you what caused their difficulties. You can seek support for yourself while helping them.

Guilt, anger and other difficult feelings · Talk to other parents and supporters[3]

They live away from me

Ask what contact suits them: a regular call, occasional messages or a visit you arrange together. Check which practical things they would welcome help with. Agree what you should do if an expected call does not happen; an unanswered message alone does not tell you what is wrong.

If they want you involved, agree who else nearby can help and what information they are happy to share. Use sharing the support and confidentiality to work through the arrangements.

They won’t speak to me, or I’m being shut out

Respect a request for space. You could leave one brief message saying how they can contact you, without asking them to explain or reply. If they prefer another trusted person, ask whether that person can help; avoid turning contact into a group effort to persuade them.

If there are specific concerns about their health or safety, you can pass observations to their GP or team. If they are suspicious of you, use the guidance for that situation. If help cannot safely wait, use urgent help.

If this is an argument rather than suspicion, see when you are getting the blame. A diagnosis does not explain every disagreement.

They have just turned 18

If they are leaving children’s services, the guide to moving to adult mental-health services covers the handover and your involvement. For a younger child or teenager, use supporting someone under 18.

Sources for this advice
  1. Offering help

    Mind: helping someone seek support. Practical appointment support should follow what the person wants. The suggested words are ours.

    Back to the advice
  2. Sharing concerns with a doctor

    GMC: listening to those close to a patient (paragraphs 39 and 40). Listening to information and disclosing information are different; secrecy cannot be promised.

    Confidentiality: what you can tell the care team and what they may share.

    Back to the advice
  3. Guilt and support for you

    Mind: your mental health as a carer covers guilt and the effect of caring on your own life. This page does not try to establish the cause of anyone’s illness.

    Back to the advice

Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026

My brother or sister

Ask what they want from you

A conversation between the two of you may be different from a family discussion. Ask whether they want company, practical help or someone to listen. If you usually share jokes, music or a hobby, there is still room for that.

Words you could use

“Would you like me to come over? We can talk about what’s happening if you want, but we don’t have to.”

I’m caught between them and our parents

Living together: children, relatives and home life.

Before agreeing to pass on an update, ask your sibling what they want shared. If you are being asked to settle every disagreement, be clear about what you can take part in.

Privacy and when to involve someone else · Words for setting a limit[1]

I’m worried I’ll have to take over their care

If your parents are getting older or finding support harder, put this on the agenda before it becomes urgent. Ask your sibling what they want. Write down the help currently provided and which parts need another arrangement; avoid leaving it as “you’ll look after them”.

Planning for changes in who can help

The family’s attention is always on them

You can love your sibling and still want time with your family that is about your own life. The difficult-feelings guide has help with resentment and guilt. You do not have to wait for another crisis to talk about the effect on you.[2]

I want to talk to another sibling

Rethink Mental Illness’s group finder has a Siblings filter. Check each group’s location, age range and whether it meets online, then contact the organiser about joining.

You can also read Eleanor’s account of supporting her sister. It is one person’s experience, not a model everyone has to follow.[3]

Sources for this advice
  1. Family roles and your own needs

    Rethink Mental Illness: Eleanor’s story is a first-person account of sibling support and changing family roles. The conversation and planning prompts here are editorial examples.

    Back to the advice
  2. Difficult feelings

    Mind: your mental health as a carer describes anger, guilt and the strain on a supporter’s own life.

    Back to the advice
  3. Sibling peer support

    Rethink Mental Illness: groups in your area provides a Siblings filter. Individual group arrangements must be checked with the organiser.

    Back to the advice

Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026

A friend

Stay their friend

You do not need to manage their treatment or become their only support. Keep room for the things you usually enjoy together. Ask whether they would like invitations even when they often say no.

If you do not know their GP or care team, you can still seek advice about a concern. For urgent help, use the route where they live; you do not need to find their GP first.

For unanswered messages, privacy and passing concerns to a professional, use keeping in touch and knowing when to get help.

Sources for this advice

Mind: supporting someone with a mental-health problem and looking after yourself. The full contact guide preserves the sources for privacy and sharing concerns.

Last full source check for this relationship advice: 5 October 2026

A colleague or someone I manage

Find a private moment to ask

Mention what you have noticed, then give them room to answer. They may not want to discuss personal details at work. A quiet conversation is a better place to begin than asking in front of the team.[1]

Words you could use

“You’ve seemed a bit unlike yourself lately. How are things? We could go somewhere quieter if you’d like to talk.”

I’m their colleague

Ask what would help at work. You could offer to go with them to speak to their manager, or help find details of any staff support. If you are already covering extra work and cannot keep doing it, raise the workload problem without giving the team private information about them.

Listening without trying to solve everything

I’m their manager

Ask which parts of work are difficult. Discuss possible changes to hours, tasks, deadlines or communication, and arrange a time to review them. Check what HR, occupational health or an employee assistance programme can offer, where these are available.

Acas: examples of mental-health adjustments explains options for employers in Great Britain. In Northern Ireland, see nidirect’s workplace support and advice contacts.[2]

They can also check Access to Work in England, Scotland and Wales, or Access to Work in Northern Ireland, for help with disability-related support at work. Eligibility and the help offered depend on their circumstances. These schemes do not pay for adjustments the employer is legally required to make.

They want me to keep it secret

Be clear about what you can keep private. If there is a good reason to involve someone else, explain who and why. As a manager, follow the organisation’s confidentiality process and discuss what, if anything, colleagues need to be told.

Confidentiality: what you can tell the care team and what they may share.[3]

I’m worried they may not be safe

If you are worried about suicide, use the guide to asking and responding. If help cannot wait, use urgent help and what to say when you call. Do not wait for an HR meeting to get urgent help.[4]

Sources for this advice
  1. Talking privately

    Acas: talking about mental health at work recommends private, supportive conversations. The suggested words are ours.

    Back to the advice
  2. Support and changes at work

    Acas: mental-health adjustments covers individual changes and review. nidirect: counselling at work describes workplace support and employment-advice contacts in Northern Ireland. Availability depends on the workplace; this page is not an employment-law guide. GOV.UK: Access to Work and nidirect: Access to Work (NI) explain the separate programmes and their limits, checked 2 October 2026.

    Back to the advice
  3. Confidentiality at work

    Acas: being clear about confidentiality explains permission and being clear when information needs to be shared.

    Back to the advice
  4. When urgent help is needed

    Acas: if you think a worker is at risk includes seeking help and responding to immediate danger.

    Back to the advice

Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026

Sources and how this guide was written

  1. Starting a conversation

    Samaritans: listening to someone you are worried about and Mind: supporting a friend. The example phrases are ours; adapt them to suit your friendship.
    Back to the advice

  2. When messages go unanswered

    Back to the advice

  3. Listening and asking about safety

    Back to the advice

  4. Offering support and looking after yourself

    Back to the advice

  5. Helping someone seek support

    Back to the advice

  6. Passing concerns to a professional

    Back to the advice

Last full source check: 25 September 2026

Missing-person reporting advice checked: 7 October 2026.

Independent information, not a medical or crisis service. This guidance has not been clinically reviewed. How we use sources.