How to talk to someone who seems depressed

Start with what you have noticedDescribe the change without diagnosing them, ask one open question, then give them room to answer.

Immediate danger? Call 999 or go to A&E if someone's life is at risk or you cannot keep anyone safe. If you are worried about suicidal thoughts, use the suicide concern guide.

Are they under 18? This guide is about supporting an adult. See NHS support for children and young people. If you are under 18 and supporting someone else, see young-carer rights and support.

Start with what you have noticed

Choose a reasonably private moment when neither of you has to rush. Describe the change without telling them what is wrong with them.

Samaritans suggests an open question“What's been going on for you this week?”

Avoid beginning with a verdict such as “You are depressed” or a demand such as “You need to get help”.

Sources: Mind, Samaritans and Rethink

Based on Mind, Samaritans and Rethink Mental Illness.

Give them room to answer

Ask one question at a time.
Let pauses happen.
Listen for what they are trying to tell you instead of preparing your solution.
Reflect back what you have heard.
Do not press for details they do not want to share.

If they say very little, Rethink advises letting them know that you are available to listen if and when they are ready.

Sources: Samaritans, Rethink and PAPYRUS

See Samaritans' listening guidance, Rethink Mental Illness and PAPYRUS.

Offer something specific

Mind advises making a specific offer and gives this example:

Mind suggests“Would you like me to come over and keep you company?”

They may say no. You can ask again another day without applying pressure.

Source: Mind

Mind: helping someone who has depression.

If you are worried about suicide, ask clearly

Samaritans and PAPYRUS say asking about suicide does not plant the idea. It gives someone permission to tell you what is happening.

Ask clearly“I'm worried about you. Are you thinking about suicide?”

If they say yes, are unsure or cannot say that they are safe, follow the next steps now.

What to do next

Sources: Samaritans and PAPYRUS

Samaritans: supporting someone with suicidal thoughts and PAPYRUS: asking about suicide.

What to avoid saying

“Are you feeling any better yet?” Repeated progress checks can feel like pressure to improve or to reassure you. Try: “How is today for you?”
“Cheer up” or “try to think positively.” The NHS says depression is not something a person can simply snap out of. Try asking what the day has been like.
“Other people have it worse.” Mind warns against minimising the person's experience. Try reflecting what you heard.
“You have nothing to be depressed about.” This turns the conversation into a defence of how they feel.
“Think what you're doing to everyone else.” Guilt is unlikely to make it easier to speak honestly or accept help.

Mind advises keeping in touch without putting pressure on the person to reply. Open questions leave more room than asking repeatedly whether they are better.

Sources: NHS and Mind

The examples apply the NHS explanation of depression and Mind's advice not to minimise the experience or put pressure on someone to respond.

End with a next point of contact

You do not need to settle everything in one conversation. Mind advises keeping in touch without pressuring someone to reply and offering practical help with services or appointments.

Source: Mind

Mind: helping someone who has depression.

They will not accept help Help them get professional support Talk to people who understand

Here for Someone is an independent information project. It is not a helpline or medical service. This page organises public guidance from the organisations linked beside the relevant information; it has not been clinically reviewed by Here for Someone.

Sources checked: 26 August 2026

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