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Support for you · Boundaries

Setting boundaries without disappearing

A boundary says what you can do, what you cannot do and what will happen next.

Make it specificChoose one repeated situation. State what you will do, what you will not do and which other source of support can be used.

Decide the boundary first

Mind advises supporters to be realistic about what they can do, take breaks and share the role with other people. A boundary may concern:

  • which calls you can answer and at what times
  • money you will not lend or manage
  • behaviour you will leave the room or house for
  • tasks that need to be shared
  • when you will contact professional or emergency help
Sources: Mind
Mind: helping someone seek support and Mind: looking after yourself.

Say what you will do

Keep the wording short. Avoid arguing about whether the boundary is deserved.

Time“I can talk until 10pm. After that I need to sleep, so I will put my phone on silent.”
Money“I cannot lend more money. I can sit with you while you contact a free debt adviser.”
Behaviour“I will not stay while I am being shouted at. I will leave and we can try again when things are calmer.”
Sharing the load“I cannot be the only person holding this. We need to involve someone else today.”

Keep urgent safety separate

A boundary does not mean ignoring an immediate danger. If someone's life is at risk or you cannot keep anyone safe, call 999 or go to A&E. For urgent mental-health help that is not an immediate emergency, use the nation-specific urgent routes.

Open urgent help
Source: NHS
NHS urgent mental-health guidance.

If the boundary is ignored

Repeat it once, then follow the action you stated. If you regularly feel frightened, controlled or threatened, use specialist domestic-abuse support. Mental illness does not make abuse acceptable.

If you are frightened of them, not just worried about them

Call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247, the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327, or Galop's LGBT+ helpline. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.

Reduce the loadLong-term supportingTalk to people who understand

Here for Someone is an independent information project. It is not a helpline or medical service. This page organises public guidance from the organisations linked beside the relevant information; it has not been clinically reviewed by Here for Someone.

Sources checked: 27 August 2026

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