Here for someone

What to say & do · Take your time with this one

I've found out they're self-harming

Short answerTry to respond calmly. Tell them you care, listen if they want to talk and avoid ultimatums or demands to see their injuries.
If they're seriously hurt, call 999. For injuries that might need treatment, use NHS 111 or A&E and tell medical staff what happened.

Do this now

  1. Try to manage your first reaction. Shock or anger may make it harder for them to talk. Start by saying that you care.
  2. Start with care. Do not demand to see injuries or ask lots of questions at once.
  3. Keep ordinary things going, such as meals, lifts and walking the dog.
Source: Mind
Mind's guidance for supporting someone who self-harms covers responding calmly, listening, avoiding judgement and helping the person find support.

Words you can use

A calm, caring opener"I'm sorry things have got this hard. I care about you, and I'm here when you want to talk."
Taking the pressure off"You don't have to explain it to me today. I'm not going anywhere."
  • "Promise me you'll stop." Ultimatums may make it harder for them to speak openly.
  • Demanding to see injuries or hear every detail immediately.
  • "It's attention-seeking" or "it's just a phase."
  • Calling them "a self-harmer", or removing things from their room without asking.

More on this

Why people may self-harm

Self-harm can be a way of coping with overwhelming feelings. It should be taken seriously. Focus on helping them find support for the feelings behind it. If you are worried about suicide, ask directly and use the suicide concern guide.

Getting help

A GP can discuss treatment and support options. Offer practical help with the appointment if they want it. Use the urgent route in a crisis. If they will not engage with help, see the refusing-help guide.

And you?

Finding out that someone is self-harming can be very distressing. You can use Support for you or speak to your own GP.

Here for Someone is an independent information project. This page follows the linked Mind guidance and deliberately contains no detail about methods of self-harm.

Sources checked: 27 August 2026

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