Find a private moment to ask
Mention what you have noticed, then give them room to answer. They may not want to discuss personal details at work. A quiet conversation is a better place to begin than asking in front of the team.[1]
“You’ve seemed a bit unlike yourself lately. How are things? We could go somewhere quieter if you’d like to talk.”
I’m their colleague
Ask what would help at work. You could offer to go with them to speak to their manager, or help find details of any staff support. If you are already covering extra work and cannot keep doing it, raise the workload problem without giving the team private information about them.
I’m their manager
Ask which parts of work are difficult. Discuss possible changes to hours, tasks, deadlines or communication, and arrange a time to review them. Check what HR, occupational health or an employee assistance programme can offer, where these are available.
Acas: examples of mental-health adjustments explains options for employers in Great Britain. In Northern Ireland, see nidirect’s workplace support and advice contacts.[2]
They can also check Access to Work in England, Scotland and Wales, or Access to Work in Northern Ireland, for help with disability-related support at work. Eligibility and the help offered depend on their circumstances. These schemes do not pay for adjustments the employer is legally required to make.
They want me to keep it secret
Be clear about what you can keep private. If there is a good reason to involve someone else, explain who and why. As a manager, follow the organisation’s confidentiality process and discuss what, if anything, colleagues need to be told.
Confidentiality: what you can tell the care team and what they may share.[3]
I’m worried they may not be safe
If you are worried about suicide, use the guide to asking and responding. If help cannot wait, use urgent help and what to say when you call. Do not wait for an HR meeting to get urgent help.[4]
Last full source check: . Next source check due: . What these dates mean.
Sources for this advice
- Talking privately
Acas: talking about mental health at work recommends private, supportive conversations. The suggested words are ours.
Back to the advice - Support and changes at work
Acas: mental-health adjustments covers individual changes and review. nidirect: counselling at work describes workplace support and employment-advice contacts in Northern Ireland. Availability depends on the workplace; this page is not an employment-law guide. GOV.UK: Access to Work and nidirect: Access to Work (NI) explain the separate programmes and their limits, checked 2 October 2026.
Back to the advice - Confidentiality at work
Acas: being clear about confidentiality explains permission and being clear when information needs to be shared.
Back to the advice - When urgent help is needed
Acas: if you think a worker is at risk includes seeking help and responding to immediate danger.
Back to the advice
Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026
Support for you · Find people who understand
Last full source check: 2 October 2026
Independent information, not a medical or crisis service. This guidance has not been clinically reviewed. How we use sources.