Are they under 18? This guide is about supporting an adult. Start with support for children and teenagers. If you are under 18 and supporting someone else, see young-carer rights and support.
A refusal may not mean they want things to stay this way
Depression can make ordinary steps feel impossible. They may also be frightened, ashamed, exhausted, unsure what to say, worried about treatment or remembering a previous bad experience with services.
Try not to turn the conversation into an argument about whether they need help.[2]
They will not go to the GP: what is getting in the way?
Ask what puts them off, then offer help with that part:
- The call or form feels impossible: “Want me to sit with you while you do it?” Offer to write down their main points first.
- They are worried about treatment: ask what worries them. Offer to help list questions for the GP without promising a particular outcome.
- They had a bad experience: listen to what happened. Ask whether a different clinician or taking someone with them would make another appointment possible.
- They do not want help: avoid repeating the same argument. “All right, I won’t keep asking today. If you change your mind, I can help you book it.”
Ask before arranging anything for them. If the concern becomes urgent, use the routes below rather than waiting for agreement to a routine appointment.[3]
Keep the door open
If they still say no, Mind advises being patient, letting them know you care and making clear that support remains available if they change their mind.
Contact does not have to become a continuous conversation about depression. It can be a cup of tea, watching something together or an ordinary message.[4]
What to avoid saying
- “You have to want help.” It can sound like the door has closed. Try: “If you change your mind, I can help with the first step.”
- “I've told you what to do.” Depression can make a simple step feel unmanageable. Offer help with the part they find difficult.
- “Are you better yet?” Repeated progress checks may add pressure. Ask what today has been like or offer ordinary company.
- “If you cared about me, you'd get help.” Avoid guilt or threats except where you need to state a genuine safety boundary.[5]
Can I contact their GP?
You can pass on a serious concern even if they don't want routine treatment. Confidentiality may limit what staff can tell you, but it doesn't prevent them listening. How to contact their GP or team explains what information to give and what to say if staff raise confidentiality.
Confidentiality: what you can tell the care team and what they may share.
Don't use contacting the GP as a threat. Staff may need to tell the person what you shared, so explain any risk to you.[6]
Know when the plan changes
Call 999 if they may act on suicidal thoughts now, have seriously harmed themselves or taken an overdose, or you cannot keep them or somebody else safe. If they suddenly become confused, go to A&E or call 999. For other concerns that cannot wait, use the urgent-help route.
You have limits too
Rethink advises deciding what support you are willing and able to provide, whether the present level is sustainable and whether other people can share it.
Depression may help explain withdrawal or irritability. It does not require you to accept intimidation, abuse or violence. If you are in danger, leave if you can and call 999.[8]
Sources and how this guide was written
Opening advice
NHS urgent-help guidance, Mind and Rethink Mental Illness.A refusal may not mean they want things to stay this way
Rethink lists fear, hopelessness, concern about other people's reactions and previous experiences among reasons someone may avoid treatment. Read the guidance.They will not go to the GP: what is getting in the way?
Mind: helping someone seek help and Rethink Mental Illness.Keep the door open
Mind's guidance for friends and family.What to avoid saying
The examples apply Mind's advice to stay patient and avoid forcing or threatening someone, and Rethink's guidance on practical help and boundaries.Can I contact their GP?
GMC guidance on listening to people close to a patient.Know when the plan changes
NHS urgent-help guidance and Mind's emergency guidance.You have limits too
Rethink on boundaries and the NHS emergency threshold.
Last full source check: 26 August 2026
Later checks: Friend-support revisions checked against the linked guidance: 26 September 2026. Help-route wording checked: 1 October 2026.
Independent information, not a medical or crisis service. This guidance has not been clinically reviewed. How we use sources.
Medical escalation: NHS: sudden confusion and NHS: urgent and emergency mental-health help.
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