Sources: NHS, Mind and Rethink
Are they under 18? This guide is about supporting an adult. See NHS support for children and young people. If you are under 18 and supporting someone else, see young-carer rights and support.
A refusal may not mean they want things to stay this way
Depression can make ordinary steps feel impossible. They may also be frightened, ashamed, exhausted, unsure what to say, worried about treatment or remembering a previous bad experience with services.
Try not to turn the conversation into an argument about whether they need help.
Source: Rethink Mental Illness
Make the first step smaller
Mind and Rethink advise offering practical help. Ask what would make the step easier rather than taking over.
- Find the correct phone number or form.
- Write down what they want to say.
- Sit nearby while they call.
- Go to the appointment or wait outside.
- Arrange transport or childcare.
- Help with one task that is getting in the way.
Ask before doing things on their behalf wherever possible.
Sources: Mind and Rethink Mental Illness
Keep the door open
If they still say no, Mind advises being patient, letting them know you care and making clear that support remains available if they change their mind.
Contact does not have to become a continuous conversation about depression. It can be a cup of tea, watching something together or an ordinary message.
Source: Mind
What to avoid saying
- “You have to want help.” It can sound like the door has closed. Try: “If you change your mind, I can help with the first step.”
- “I have told you what to do.” Depression can make a simple step feel unmanageable. Offer one smaller piece instead.
- “Are you better yet?” Repeated progress checks may add pressure. Ask what today has been like or offer ordinary company.
- “If you cared about me, you would get help.” Avoid guilt or threats except where you need to state a genuine safety boundary.
Sources: Mind and Rethink Mental Illness
Can I contact their GP?
You can contact a GP practice to pass on a serious concern. The GP may be able to listen and record what you tell them, but confidentiality may prevent them from confirming information or discussing the person's care with you.
Give clear, factual information: what you have noticed, when it changed, the words they used, any safety concern, and your name and relationship to them.
The GP may need to tell the patient about information that affects their assessment or care. Do not use contacting the GP as a threat or a way to control someone.
Source: General Medical Council
Know when the plan changes
Use urgent or emergency help if they say they may act on suicidal thoughts, have seriously harmed themselves or taken an overdose, cannot keep themselves or somebody else safe, or become suddenly confused or physically unwell.
Sources: NHS and Mind
You have limits too
Rethink advises deciding what support you are willing and able to provide, whether the present level is sustainable and whether other people can share it.
Depression may help explain withdrawal or irritability. It does not require you to accept intimidation, abuse or violence. If you are in danger, leave if you can and call 999.
Sources: Rethink and NHS
Here for Someone is an independent information project. It is not a helpline or medical service. This page organises public guidance from the organisations linked beside the relevant information; it has not been clinically reviewed by Here for Someone.
Sources checked: 26 August 2026
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