Supporting them over time

Are they under 18? This guide is about supporting an adult. See NHS support for children and young people. If you are under 18 and supporting someone else, see young-carer rights and support.

Keep contact simple

Mind advises keeping in touch, including by text or email, without putting pressure on the person to reply. If they repeatedly decline, space the contact out rather than disappearing or messaging constantly.

Help without taking over

Ask which task is hardest right now. Useful help might include a meal, a lift, paperwork, collecting a prescription or sitting with them during a phone call.

Where possible, do the task with them rather than quietly assuming responsibility for everything. The aim is to make life more manageable while preserving their choices.

Keep some of the relationship ordinary

You do not have to discuss depression every time you meet. Watch something, talk about shared interests, sit in the garden or do the ordinary things that still feel possible.

Agree realistic boundaries

Rethink advises thinking about what support you are willing and able to continue providing, what the person can do themselves and who else could help.

Changing a boundary is not the same as withdrawing care. Explain it calmly and, where possible, agree who else can be part of the support network.

Make a plan during a steadier period

If the person is willing, a plan can record early warning signs, what tends to help, what makes things worse, who they want contacted and which professional services are involved.

Write it with them, not about them, and keep it somewhere they can access.

When the relationship is under strain

You may feel rejected, resentful, frightened or lonely. Rethink advises setting clear boundaries and taking account of your own wellbeing as well as the support you provide.

Depression does not make abuse or violence acceptable. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.

Review your own position

It may be time to seek more support if you feel responsible for keeping them alive on your own, your sleep or health is being seriously affected, you feel frightened of their reaction when you set a limit, or you have stopped doing nearly everything that matters to you.

This is not a clinical screening tool. It is a prompt to notice the effect the situation is having on you.

Here for Someone is an independent information project. It is not a helpline or medical service. This page organises public guidance from the organisations linked beside the relevant information; it has not been clinically reviewed by Here for Someone.

Sources checked: 26 August 2026