The useful conversation is different during a high, a low and a stable period.
Begin with curiosityAsk what the person is experiencing, listen before offering solutions, and describe changes without treating every emotion as a symptom.
When things are fairly calm
Mind recommends asking open questions and listening rather than trying to fix the experience. It also advises against minimising what the person is going through.
Mind suggests“What do you need me to understand about it?”
Advice for your relationship (optional)
The main guidance applies whoever you are supporting. Choose a relationship for advice about conversations and what you can take on.
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Describe a particular change rather than trying to name an illness. Ask how things have been for them, and whether they want help arranging an appointment. The guide to starting the conversation has more ways to begin.[1]
Words you could use
“Mum, how have things been? Would you like some help making an appointment?”
They brush it off or say I’m interfering
Read what you can do when someone does not want help. If you need to pass observations to a doctor, you can do that even if the doctor cannot discuss their care. They may need to tell your parent what you shared.
Agree a way of keeping in touch that suits you both. Ask whether there is someone nearby they would want involved, and what you can share with that person. The contact guide covers worrying silence and unanswered doors. If help cannot wait, use the urgent route where your parent lives.
Everything falls to me
Make requests that someone can answer: “Can you take Dad to Thursday’s appointment?” or “Could you handle the shopping this week?” The guide to sharing support covers dividing practical jobs and planning for times you cannot help.
This brings back difficult memories
If you supported your parent as a child, today’s worries may come with a long history. You can seek support for your own mental health without making your parent part of those conversations.
If your parent is becoming more forgetful, or memory problems are affecting everyday life, offer to help them arrange a GP assessment. An adult usually needs to agree; you can encourage them but usually cannot make them accept help. You can still tell their GP what you have noticed and ask for advice. Avoid assuming you know the cause. Sudden confusion needs immediate medical help: call 999 or go to A&E.[4]
If daily tasks are becoming difficult, ask their local social-care service about a care needs assessment. You can separately ask for an assessment of your needs as a carer.[5]Read the older-parent guide for appointments, isolation, help at home and benefits.
Sources for this advice
Starting the conversation
Mind: helping someone seek support covers listening and offering practical help with appointments. The suggested words are ours; change Mum and the observations to fit.
NHS: memory loss advises seeing a GP when memory problems affect everyday life. NHS: sudden confusion distinguishes gradual changes from confusion needing immediate help. These sources were checked on 5 October 2026.
Care-assessment links and older-parent signpost checked: 8 October 2026. Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026
My partner
Talk about this week’s pressures
Choose a calmer moment to work out what needs doing and what each of you can manage. Be specific: meals, bills, school runs or a night of uninterrupted sleep. Ask who else could help with something neither of you can take on.[1]
Words you could use
“I want to help, but I’m struggling with everything that needs doing. Can we work out what we can each manage this week and what we need help with?”
We barely feel like a couple
Ask whether there is something you would both enjoy that does not revolve around appointments or how they are feeling. It might be watching something together or getting out for a coffee. Leave room for either of you to say no.
You might be trying to explain cancelled plans, changed routines or why their parent is in hospital. Mind’s guide to parenting and mental health has ideas for arranging family support. If children are taking on caring tasks, the young-carer guide explains how to find help for them. If you are worried about a child’s safety, use safeguarding guidance.
They seem irritable or we keep snapping at each other
Pause a conversation that is getting heated and return to one practical issue when you can both talk. Ask what has changed and what is hardest, without deciding for them what the cause must be. Responding when you get the blame includes ways to pause and set limits.
For threats, intimidation or feeling unsafe at home, go to help when you feel frightened or threatened. It includes specialist domestic-abuse support. You can ask for advice about your own safety.
Mind: looking after yourself while caring covers being realistic about what you can do and sharing the support. The boundary guide gives the sources for its practical suggestions. This Mind source was checked on 5 October 2026.
“I’m worried about you. Would you like me to come to the appointment, help you write things down, or leave you to speak to them on your own?”
Services won’t tell me anything
You can give a doctor information even when they cannot discuss your son or daughter’s care. Say what you have noticed and when. The doctor may need to tell them what you shared, so explain any concerns about that.
If they want the team to share some information with you, they can use the information-sharing template to prepare their own choices.
We live together and it affects everyone
Try discussing one practical pressure at a time: disturbed sleep, meals, visitors or who is doing the shopping. Agree what you can each manage this week and when to talk again.
I keep thinking I caused this or should have noticed
If you keep going over the past, give yourself somewhere to talk about that too. Feeling guilty does not tell you what caused their difficulties. You can seek support for yourself while helping them.
Ask what contact suits them: a regular call, occasional messages or a visit you arrange together. Check which practical things they would welcome help with. Agree what you should do if an expected call does not happen; an unanswered message alone does not tell you what is wrong.
If they want you involved, agree who else nearby can help and what information they are happy to share. Use sharing the support and confidentiality to work through the arrangements.
They won’t speak to me, or I’m being shut out
Respect a request for space. You could leave one brief message saying how they can contact you, without asking them to explain or reply. If they prefer another trusted person, ask whether that person can help; avoid turning contact into a group effort to persuade them.
Mind: your mental health as a carer covers guilt and the effect of caring on your own life. This page does not try to establish the cause of anyone’s illness.
Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026
My brother or sister
Ask what they want from you
A conversation between the two of you may be different from a family discussion. Ask whether they want company, practical help or someone to listen. If you usually share jokes, music or a hobby, there is still room for that.
Words you could use
“Would you like me to come over? We can talk about what’s happening if you want, but we don’t have to.”
Before agreeing to pass on an update, ask your sibling what they want shared. If you are being asked to settle every disagreement, be clear about what you can take part in.
If your parents are getting older or finding support harder, put this on the agenda before it becomes urgent. Ask your sibling what they want. Write down the help currently provided and which parts need another arrangement; avoid leaving it as “you’ll look after them”.
You can love your sibling and still want time with your family that is about your own life. The difficult-feelings guide has help with resentment and guilt. You do not have to wait for another crisis to talk about the effect on you.[2]
I want to talk to another sibling
Rethink Mental Illness’s group finder has a Siblings filter. Check each group’s location, age range and whether it meets online, then contact the organiser about joining.
Rethink Mental Illness: Eleanor’s story is a first-person account of sibling support and changing family roles. The conversation and planning prompts here are editorial examples.
Last full source check for this relationship advice: 2 October 2026
A friend
Stay their friend
You do not need to manage their treatment or become their only support. Keep room for the things you usually enjoy together. Ask whether they would like invitations even when they often say no.
If you do not know their GP or care team, you can still seek advice about a concern. For urgent help, use the route where they live; you do not need to find their GP first.
Last full source check for this relationship advice: 5 October 2026
A colleague or someone I manage
Find a private moment to ask
Mention what you have noticed, then give them room to answer. They may not want to discuss personal details at work. A quiet conversation is a better place to begin than asking in front of the team.[1]
Words you could use
“You’ve seemed a bit unlike yourself lately. How are things? We could go somewhere quieter if you’d like to talk.”
I’m their colleague
Ask what would help at work. You could offer to go with them to speak to their manager, or help find details of any staff support. If you are already covering extra work and cannot keep doing it, raise the workload problem without giving the team private information about them.
Ask which parts of work are difficult. Discuss possible changes to hours, tasks, deadlines or communication, and arrange a time to review them. Check what HR, occupational health or an employee assistance programme can offer, where these are available.
Be clear about what you can keep private. If there is a good reason to involve someone else, explain who and why. As a manager, follow the organisation’s confidentiality process and discuss what, if anything, colleagues need to be told.
Name one change you have observed and explain why you are raising it. Mind publishes this example:
Mind suggests“I've noticed that you've been sleeping less, and I'm worried you might be becoming unwell.”
Ask what they think is happening. If they have a plan, check which part they want to use. If the conversation becomes heated, pause and move to the urgent route if safety is becoming a concern.[2]
During a high
Keep sentences short and deal with one issue at a time.
Do not turn the conversation into a debate about every plan or belief.
Offer practical help they have already agreed to.
If they are frightened by unusual beliefs or experiences, use the psychosis conversation guidance.[3]
During a low
Words you could use
“Would you like some company? We could watch something together. You don’t have to talk about how you’re feeling.”[6]
Short messages or an offer of company may be easier to answer. The linked guide covers silence, an angry response and how to ask about suicide if you are worried.
“Everyone has mood swings.” Mind advises against minimising the person's experience. Ask what this change feels like for them.
“You're definitely getting manic again.” Mind says not to assume every mood change is a relapse. Describe the specific change you have noticed.
“Calm down.” Use a calm voice yourself and move to one practical question.
“Do you still need your medication if you feel better?” Medication decisions belong with the person and their prescriber.
“After what you did last time, I can't trust you.” Raise a specific concern and an agreed safeguard without using a previous episode to shame them.[4]
After an episode
Mind advises waiting until the person feels able to talk, then explaining how specific behaviour affected you instead of making general accusations. Ask what would help next time and what they want you to do differently.
Bipolar UK also advises setting boundaries around your own needs and responsibilities. Supporting someone does not require accepting abuse, threats or unsafe behaviour.[5]