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BPD or EUPD · Longer term

Supporting them over time

Consistency matters, but that does not mean being available for everything or carrying the whole crisis system yourself.

Plan in calmer momentsMind recommends discussing triggers, what helps during difficult periods and boundaries before the next crisis rather than trying to design everything in the middle of one.

Agree what support looks like

  • Ask what helps when emotions first start to rise.
  • Record professional and urgent contacts.
  • Agree what information can be shared and with whom.
  • Choose a small number of responses you can give consistently.
  • Review the plan after a difficult period, without blame.[1]

Make boundaries specific

If they say they will hurt themselves when you say no, see how to respond and get help without promising constant availability.

State what you will do and when. Explain what you can offer and what you cannot keep doing. Keep the focus on your own actions.

You could say

“I can talk for half an hour after work. I can't answer calls through the night. If you're unsafe, we'll use the urgent contacts in the plan.”

Avoid becoming the whole support system

Notice if you are cancelling your life, monitoring constantly or becoming the only person they contact in distress. Ask who else can help and what needs to change in the plan. Include professional contacts, other trusted people and support that belongs to you.

Discuss a situation that keeps happening

In a calmer period, choose one repeated situation and write down the early trigger, what each person noticed, what escalated it and one response to try next time. Keep the plan short enough to use. If the relationship includes fear, coercion or abuse, prioritise your safety rather than treating it as a shared communication exercise.

Keep the relationship wider than the diagnosis

Continue ordinary activities and interests where possible. Do not treat every feeling, preference or disagreement as a symptom of BPD or EUPD.

Offer company without making promises you cannot keep

Acknowledge the feeling before suggesting an activity: “That sounds painful. Would you like some company?” Be specific about when you are available. If you need a pause, explain what you can realistically offer afterwards. Avoid promises to stay indefinitely or always be available.[2]

Find support that is for you

BPD Alliance's Family Connections is a free structured programme from a US-based organisation. UK applicants should check whether they can join and whether the session times suit them. It has an application process and is not a crisis service. The BPD and EUPD supporter directory explains access and includes a UK service with its own local eligibility rules.[3]

Related help
How to set a boundaryMake a crisis plan together
Printable boundary scriptsCheck how supporting is affecting you
BPD and EUPD supporter spacesSupport for you
Sources and how this guide was written

  1. Agree what support looks like

    Mind: BPD information for friends and family.

    Back to the advice

  2. Keep the relationship wider than the diagnosis

    Sources: Mind: supporting someone with BPD.

    Back to the advice

  3. Find support that is for you

    BPD Alliance: Family Connections.

    Back to the advice

Last full source check: 27 August 2026

Family Connections provider and UK-access wording checked: 7 October 2026. This was not a new check of the whole guide.

Later checks: Addition using Mind guidance on supporting someone with BPD checked: 23 September 2026.

Independent information, not a medical or crisis service. This guidance has not been clinically reviewed. How we use sources.

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