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BPD or EUPD · Professional help

Help them prepare for professional support

Your most useful role may be helping them explain what is happening and remember what was agreed.

Choose the route by urgencyUse their existing team if they have one. For non-urgent help, support them to contact a GP. If help cannot wait, use the urgent mental-health help for their UK nation. A friend or family member can call, even without their GP or service details.

An adult usually needs to agree to assessment and treatment. You can encourage them and offer practical help, but usually cannot make them accept it. If they refuse, you can still tell their GP or team what you have noticed and ask for advice. Read what you can do if they refuse help and how consent works. If help cannot wait, seek urgent advice without waiting for their agreement.

Before the appointment

  1. Write down the difficulties they most want help with.
  2. Include changes in self-harm, suicidal thoughts, sleep, relationships or daily life if relevant.
  3. List previous treatments, medicines and what helped or did not help.
  4. Ask what information they consent to you sharing or receiving.
  5. Prepare two or three questions about the next step.
Ask what treatment is being offered

For specialist BPD care, ask the GP whether a community mental-health or specialist personality-disorder service should assess them. In England, a Talking Therapies self-referral may help with some accompanying difficulties, but do not assume it provides specialist BPD treatment. Ask each service what it can offer and who will make any onward referral.

The NHS says treatment for BPD commonly involves psychological therapy delivered by a trained professional. NICE provides guidance on the organisation of care and management of crises. The NHS describes dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) and mentalisation-based therapy (MBT) among treatments used for BPD. Ask which approach fits their needs and what is available locally; their clinician should advise on their particular situation.[1]

Questions that make the next step clearer
  • What assessment has been completed, and is any further specialist assessment needed?
  • What psychological treatment is available locally? Would dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), mentalisation-based therapy (MBT) or another approach be appropriate?
  • Who should they contact between appointments if things deteriorate?
  • Is there a written crisis or care plan, and can the person agree how family or friends are involved?
  • If this service cannot help, who is responsible for the next referral?

Do not promise a particular therapy or assume one approach suits everyone. The clinician and the person should discuss what is appropriate and locally available.

Ask what support is available for family or friends

With their agreement, ask how you can be involved in care and whether the service offers family education or carer skills sessions. You can also ask about support for your own needs. Check local provision rather than assuming a named programme is available everywhere.[2]

If they are turned away

A BPD diagnosis alone should not exclude someone from health or social-care services. If a crisis team or ward says “we do not admit people with BPD”, ask for an assessment of the person’s current needs and risks, what alternatives can keep them safe, and a written plan with a named contact.

NICE recommends considering crisis or home-treatment alternatives before admission. That does not mean admission is never appropriate: the decision depends on the current situation and whether risks can be managed elsewhere. If someone’s life is at risk, call 999.

NICE CG78: access to care, crises and hospital admission.

Ask what decision was made, who made it, why and what is offered instead. Keep using urgent routes if the situation changes while a complaint or reconsideration is under way.

What to do when services say no
If they do not want help

You can listen for what makes support difficult, offer help with an appointment or another task they want to tackle and share factual concerns with a service. A service may be unable to tell you private information, but confidentiality should not prevent it from listening to information you provide.

Related help
They will not accept helpConfidentiality and being heard
Sources and how this guide was written

  1. Ask what treatment is being offered

    NHS: treatment for BPD and NICE guideline CG78.

    Back to the advice

  2. Questions that make the next step clearer

    Sources: NICE: involving families and carers.

    Back to the advice

Last full source check: 27 August 2026

Consent and seeking advice wording checked: 7 October 2026. Sources and explanation.

Later checks: Addition using NICE guidance on involving families and carers checked: 23 September 2026. Help-route wording checked: 1 October 2026.

Independent information, not a medical or crisis service. This guidance has not been clinically reviewed. How we use sources.

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